THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 8
KHANYISILE
I am struggling to come with terms of knowing that there is no longer Skhosane and I. Once upon a time, there was a man who loved me dearly through thick and thin. Was my ride in everything. I developed strong compassion for him. God, I don't believe in you, but fucking help me, I'd put my mouth all over him and let him put his hands anywhere he wanted to if he ever...sighs! I need to remove this man out of my system. I was in love with him; deeply and still do. When my mood was down and about - he was more likely to mirror my emotions. Some days he would feel like my feelings resonate with his heart. Maybe it was him going crazy at that time. But now all of that is gone, just like that – the breakup is not even explained but I am expected to just move on and forget that he ever existed. Forget about the memories we had. How do I unlove this person? I still need to know why he left me. A brief explanation to help me understand his reasons. I borrowed Thabi's phone. He has blocked me everywhere and it hurts.
"Are you sure about this?” Thabi asks me. The way she is looking at me gives me warmth and assurance that she is there through every step of the way. I love how she cares about me. I love how our relationship has improved in the last couple of days. The bond has been magnificent and out of this world. I shake my head yes. I need answers and maybe if I have done something wrong, I will apologize so we can be one again.
"Yes, I really need this. Maybe it's something we could fix – you know.” I sound so pathetic right now. Never knew in my wildest dreams that I would be crying for a man. My first love. Maybe Miss Nkambule was right about me. I am not worthy of being loved.
"I'll give you some space.” She taps on my shoulder and walks out. I take a deep breath looking at Thabi's phone. I dial his numbers. He is not picking up. He must have sensed that it was me. Ready to drop the phone he picks up panting. I swallow.
"Halo.” His breathing is making me think otherwise.
"Hallo!”
I clear my throat. "It's me. Please don’t drop.” I plead. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Okay. What do you want Khanyisile?” His question sends me off the cliff. I feel like I could take my last breath right this minute. My emotions are swimming all over the place.
"I need some answers from you. Why did you ask to break things off with me just like that? I need to know your reasons and please be honest with me.” Maybe, just maybe I will let go.
“I am protecting you from something.” He says. Honestly speaking, he is not making any sense right now.
“From what Skhosane?” I ask with a fit of rage building inside of me. How can you protect someone from something then you fail to tell them what is going on.
“From everything and everyone. You wouldn’t understand if I told you now.” Skhosane.
“Skhosane...”
“Khanyisile, just for once stop being a cy bay and woman up! We broke up. You should move on and accept it! I can’t keep baby-sitting you mf2.” He snaps. Tears drop...
“Skhosane, it’s me Khanyi.” I remind him. He doesn’t respond but keeps quiet.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. Hurting you was never my intention and please try to believe me. It’s the circumstances preventing us from being together. If we were meant to be – we will find ways to each other again.”
I think I have heard enough of his lies. Expressing my hurt would be an understatement. I am beyond broken. Skhosane has literally crashed my heart into pieces. How do I move on from this? I am tired of crying for him. Tired of feeling sorry for myself. I place Thabi’s phone on the bed and close my eyes replaying his words in my head.
“Wow.” That’s all I can manage to say at the moment. Guess there is no need for me holding onto something that is not even there. Kahle, kahle this man never loved! Thabi comes back holding an ice-cream tub and two spoons.
“I always see white people eating vanilla ice-cream when they are depressed. We should try it.”
I smile. I love her effort. “I think we need a movie for this. We are both grieving.”
“Yea. I dumped someone I love, and you were dumped by the one you love. Iwishiwishi nje le.” She makes herself comfortable on the bed. I also get on the bed and sit next to her.
“Do you think I will ever find a man that will love me for who I am?” I mean with the condition I have; people look at me in a weird way. It hurts at times that it’s hard to be accepted. Sighs! I didn’t choose to be this way. I believe God has a purpose for me in a way.
“We all have that person we are bound to. Ever heard of bound by fate. You'll find love when you're not looking,' approach may be wrong. I’m not saying don’t go for what you like – but rather wait for the right one. I know there is someone out there for you.” She tells me. I scoop a mouthful of ice-cream and sigh. I feel my teeth icing in cold. I quickly swallow.
“Life is hard. At least you are normal. On another hand I am...”
“There is defiantly nothing wrong with you. Just because you have issues with your eyes doesn’t make you seem abnormal or less of a woman. We appreciate you, that’s all that matters.” I nod my head. Somehow, she has made me feel better. I smile, guess this is the end for me and Skhosane. I grabbed my phone and grew through our pictures. The first step to healing is erasing all the memories we once had. I delete every picture that contains him. I watch his number sinking down the bin.
“Can you take me to Amanada. I need some schoolwork from her. We are writing exams in upcoming weeks.” I say. Without waste Thabi gets off the bed and tells me that we should get going. She doesn’t want me to fail. So, I will need all the answers for my upcoming exams.
