THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 34
KHANYISILE
I don’t know why I have been subjected into taking these boxing classes. They annoy me at times, and they awaken the things inside of me which I thought I had buried. In fact, I smile but I am not coping. My life is fast as a train, making it hard for me to jiggle with schoolwork. At some point I get to feel like quitting. I love Mkhuleko yes, but he has added a lot of traumas into my life. I still have nightmares of the incidents of that day. Him pushing me out of a moving car... I shake my head not wanting to think deeply. All the what ifs are not settling with me. What if I am cursed in a way? My parents, not for once have they tried making contact with me. I have also given up. But I have never tried, what is the use of it? No more hope left in me. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Amanda will be going home for the holidays. And for me I will be stuck here in Durban. I have no home to run to. No parents to go too. At least I do have Babana here with me. I want to offload some things, but I have no one to talk to. Amanda is going through something, and she is failing to talk to me. I will not push her until she is ready to tell me whatever is going on with her. Thabi on the other hand, she is still adjusting to this new life of hers. She called me last night and told me that she had a fall out with her mother. I honestly don’t know what is wrong with that woman. Thinking about her just makes my body cringe in a way. I take a deep breath once more. And then there is Mkhuleko – that one is always busy for his butt to even sit down. I am alone, even when I came into this world, and even when I die. I will still be alone. It's a strange thing, this life that we live. We all hope for someone to lift us up from our miseries and problems. Someone to stay by our side as we walk forward and face our problems. But I must remember. No one is coming to save me. Not even my cold parents! It's a journey worth walking on I believe. I look at the entrance anticipating whether to enter or not. I turn to walk away but someone stops me before I could even turn to walk away. I swear some people are always here to be spies in our lives. Couldn’t they have just left me in peace!
“Khanyisile...”
I face the stupid lady and fake a smile. “Fake smiles don’t work with me. Your session is about to start.” The fake smile gets wiped off my face and is replaced with a frown. My shoulder slumbers as I follow her inside.
“Sit down.” She instructs all of us. She has a body man, technically she looks like a man. “Meditate positions everyone!”
There is absolutely no reason to shout her lungs out. We heard. We all sit and seat in the meditating position.
“Clear your mind of all thoughts; concentrate on breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth; steady deep breaths and a clear mind will prepare you.”
The class becomes silent. I want to open my eyes so bad, but this manly girl will have me for her satanists dinner.
“I started martial arts at the age of forty. Five years later, I still can't do the splits or execute a jumping reverse turning kick well, but I am fitter, stronger, and happier because of my training.”
God! I didn’t ask this old white lady. Why is she all over my space? I wish to kick her tiny butt right now!
“Not Now Magriza.” That is Stacy warning. She continues to walk around. “Forget school. Forget work. Forget family, problems, everything -- visualize them evaporating before your eyes. Once everything is gone, you should see an empty room, and in the center of the empty room, a ball of flame begins growing from the emptiness. This flame of firing strength and energy should represent anything you hope to achieve by training yourself in Karate. By the time you are done with your meditation, the room should be entirely engulfed by nothing but the flame.”
Indeed, it feels just the way Stacy has been explaining. We are told to stand up. I am taken to another room leaving the others behind. I don’t know which sessions I do. Karate or boxing. But all in all, it’s annoying me. I don’t know why Mkhuleko will do this to me. This whole shit is just awakening something in me. She points out the punching bag and I am told to follow along. Stading in position.
“Blocking is just as important! Practice blocking as though these were the punches you were being attacked with. Experiment with combinations and counter attacks. Defend, attack.” She keeps quiet and suddenly screams behind my ear. “Attack!”
It feels so good to punch. I can feel the chemicals in the brain are released and through repetition. My chest is burning with a desire to punch harder and even more.
I know that swinging at a punching bag can increase anger and aggression levels. No wonder I am this angry person. I am adding more anger to the anger I have from the depth of me.
“Attack more!” She screams behind me making my blood boil. I hate it when she does this. She is pushing me to my limits, and I hate it. I can feel the adrenaline of anger. My skin perspires.
“Aim for it. Come on!” She shouts again. Every muscle in me is stiff. The face of my father flashes. More anger builds up. All I see is red. Someone pulls me from behind. I pant heavily. I feel emotionally exhausted and heartbroken. I feel like breaking down and crying.
“You let all your emotions on that punching. Don’t be weak. Fight it!” She aggressively let's go of me. I hold my breath for a minute to calm myself down. She annoys me. Lord knows how I wish to beat her arse up.
