THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 59
MKHUSELI
I received a text message from my mother requesting to see me right this minute. I haven’t seen my mother in five years. Not that I am complaining. My life has been peaceful without her and her sour drama. I haven’t known such peace in my life for a very long time. I am at a place in life where peace and happiness are my top priority. She did not even attend the wedding because she was not invited. Not that I did not want her to come but I know she wouldn’t have honoured the invite. Her family was of great help and my father’s family was hands on too. I thank the old man that made everything a success. I did not lack any support and Khanyi was accepted and that’s all that matters. Khanyi is now Mrs Zikhode. Our traditional wedding was the best. And right now, we are sweating for the white wedding. I hear that it’s every woman’s dream. She didn’t want it, but I forced her into it. I want to see her wearing that white dress and walking down the aisle. I want us to share our vows like no other. Luckily, she agreed to it.
“Do you want me to come?” She asks powdering herself – her face to be precise. I don’t know why she uses all these things whereas she has a natural beauty inside out.
“I think I will handle it. If I fail, then I will give a call.” I add.
“Save my name on speed dial.” She says pecking on my lips. I laugh walking out. She already knows that I have her name on the speed dial, same goes for my mother. If I knew that my life would be like this in years’ time, I would have skipped my entire life just to be where I am today. We are planning to make our own mini use. With Mkhuleko’s child living with us – we paused the idea of us having a baby of our own. Baby girl is keeping us occupied in all directions. She is grown and soon will be celebrating her fifth birthday. May Violet’s rest in peace. She gave us a gem and Khanyi would kill for Khanyisa. It’s sweet how she calls her mama, as for me – I’m Bafo. I love it no lies. So, technically we are parents. And as for my brother – I miss him as each day passes.
Parking the car outside my mother’s yard – I feel my intestines knotting. My gut tells me that I shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to be here. I step out of the car and stretch myself first. I knock on the door. I can hear some shuffling’s from the inside. The key knob clicks open. She opens the door and gasps in shock. Why is she shocked to see me? Did she not want to see me? Now I am confused as hell. Maybe she meant to send that text message to another person and not me. Am I hurt by that? Not one bit. I have grown to accept things as they are. Some things are just out of our control.
“You actually came.” She says letting me in. Okay that text was really meant for me. I enter her leaving room and everyone’s picture is there except mine. By everyone I mean my father, Mkhuleko and herself. What was I expecting? This woman will never accept me. “I was going to add yours later. Was still cleaning around the house.”
I don’t know what she is saying cause the house is spotless. Another bribe that will not make me feel better in any way. I know she added these a long time ago.
“No need to – I know. I am not needed.” I say sitting down.
“It’s not like that. I…”
I cut her short before she could even feed me with more lies of deceive.
“Don’t explain. I know where I stand with you. I just want to know why I am here.”
She takes a deep breath. I am sure I am not here to just have a look at her taking deep breaths.
“I am your mother Mkhuseli. For you not to invite me to your wedding really broke my heart.” I look at her with my eyebrows raised. Is she really kidding me right now?
“Where are you going with all of this?” I ask.
“I wanted to be at your wedding.” She snaps. Well, she has a funny way of showing it. Couldn’t she reach out on the day of the wedding?
“How can you be at a wedding for a person you hate? If you wanted to come, you could have came. No one was stopping you. I didn’t send you an invite because I know you wouldn’t have bothered yourself coming – or am I wrong?”
“Those people are not your family.” She says in a low tone.
“Which people?”
She takes a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter it has happed. We cannot undo it.”
I shake my head in disappointment. I know her love for me will never change no matter how hard I try. This woman never loved me since I was created in her womb. I’d rather leave this place than be here. She is calling after me, but I don’t dare turn back. What was I thinking coming here in the first place. My time wasted for sweet nothing. I am not mad. I am just upset. Upset at the world. My mother. I don’t want to go to the office, Khanyi will spot me from afar that I am not okay. I decided to rome around town. I ended up buying baby Khanyisa clothes. Hope they will fit. Another thing. I will have to go update Mkhuleko about his child. He needs pictures too. He only knows his daughter in the pictures. It saddens that Violet lost her life-giving birth to this precious soul. That is what her father named her. I never kept anything away from him but that fact that Khanyi is still in the dark about everything. Am I prepared to share some light with her? No! That will mean me losing her forever.
“Excuse me. I am looking for ATM’S close by.” I am being stopped by a man looking like a hobo. Not a hobo but his appearance is not appeasing at all. I look at him from head to toe. Maybe the old man is coming back from work. Let me not judge. He is wearing overalls painted with oil. He must be a machinist.
“You will go down this road. The first robot, you will then turn right.” I instruct. He thanked me and smiled. He looks at me one last time and I swear I have seen this man before. His eyes look familiar. Dark and cold. The thoughts crawling in my mind. No, this can’t be. Not after so many years of me trying to fight the battle of the pain I was made to feel. I feel my chest closing. My vision is getting blurry. This is the very same man…
“Are you okay?” He asks. His smile gives me creeps. I feel warm liquid dripping down my legs. Still frozen in the same spot. I don’t know what to do or where to run to. I feel my walls closing to the worst.
-
The coldness of my surroundings makes me lazily open my eyes. The room is all white. Panick washes over into my realization. I am at the hospital. How did I get here? The last thing I remember was when I…
My chest tightens so bad that I struggle to breathe. I get drowsy instantly. Sleep just seemed so much more peaceful, and I slipped back into it again. Aches of various sorts awoke me again, but the main one was a deep, crawling hunger. I hadn’t had anything since only God knows when, and I am ravenous. Deep in thoughts a familiar voice drops me out of it. Khanyi walks in followed by my mother.
“What happened?” She is already inspecting me from head to toe.
My voice failed to come out. All I could do is cry. Without any further questions being asked she pulls me into her chest and makes me lay on it. It hurts that I feel this pain, yet I am afraid to share it with anyone. After so many years – he just rocks up out of nowhere and does this to me. He wanted me to remember the pains that were buried and burnt. I remember how my therapist asked me how I survived rape. Honestly, surviving rape is a misleading phrase. If you aren’t murdered afterwards, you could be considered to have survived. You have very little control over that aspect. Now, being able to continue living after rape takes active participation. I had to allow my emotions to be expressed, in a healthy way. I have to remember that I am more than just a victim of a crime. If you were a mom, a brother, a lawyer, before, you are still those things after. Just with more painful life experience. I had to place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrator. That meant leaving the ‘ifs’ on the road. I had to allow myself time and space to heal. ‘Get over it’ does not belong here.
I didn’t have to follow the rule book. It led me to a point where I didn’t have to worry about what others think, might think, say, or might say. Just like you didn’t have control over whoever violated you, you can’t control how people respond. Most people understand, or at least try. But my healing comes from inside, me. It made me not feel that there is anything left inside me, but trust me, it’s there. It made me punish innocent people, including myself. MaZet is one of those I would take my frustrations out on. I just had to keep living, allow people to love me. That made me love myself. It feels like it’ll take forever, but it did. I wish I could tell my story without breaking down. I was unable to sleep through the night. I was unable to leave the house. I ended up telling myself that I’m much better at this. I would leave the house but don’t usually get out of my car until I’m home. Severe anxiety – that would make me scrub myself until my skin peels trying to get rid of his scent. I was young and knew nothing. But this grew up with until, I guess now. I later decided that enough is enough and have decided to try dating. Here I am today married to the most wonderful woman one could ever wish for.
“Are you okay?” The concern in her voice breaks my heart. “A man called me. Apparently, you had a mini heart attack.”
This explains me losing control over myself.
“I saw something, or shall I rather say I saw someone I never thought I would ever see again.”
“Who is that?”
She asks. Can I tell her? No. I don’t want to go down that path again.
“Some monster from the past but don’t want to talk about it.” My mother is standing by the door looking at us. I wish to ask who informed her of me being here. I just hate that she must be here. She steps closer and stands beside the bed.
“Some man called me too and told me that he sent you here. You fell on the ground.” I close my eyes sharply. What is it with that man calling everyone that is close me.
“Did you see him?” I ask.
“No. When I came here, he was long gone. That is what the doctors told me.”
That means he will be back to finish want he started years ago. I can’t have that.
“I want to leave the hospital now. He will be back.” I am panicking. I hate that I look this weak. I am discharging myself right this minute!
CYNTHIA
I’m still standing in the parking lot of the hospital. The man has called again. Apparently, he has the car keys. He was not comfortable enough to leave it at the hospital. He has said he basically has all Mkhuseli’s belongings. I still don’t know what happened to Mkhuseli. I don’t know how that man got my numbers because I am pretty sure that Mkhuseli would never give that man my number. Running out of patience. I sigh in frustration. Coming here was a waste. Mkhuseli had discharged himself already and was long gone. A car park beside me. My phone rings.
“I am at the parking lot. I don’t see you.” He says. His voice is irritating me somehow. I am the only one around. I scan my eyes around – I see no one.
“I am also in the parking lot – but I don’t see you. I am wearing a red dress.” I add. If he doesn’t see me then he should go for an eye test.
“Excuse me.” A man’s voice from behind startles me.
“Jesus!” I held my chest in fear. What the hell is this old man doing with my son’s things. He just stares at me without saying a thing.
“Cy… Cynthia.”
His voice is shaky. The car keys dropped out of his hands. Still amazed by him knowing my name. How the hell does he know me? One close look at him and I feel my entire body shiver. No, no this can’t be. I take steps back. My heart is beating rapidly in between my rib cage. He just stands there like a statue not knowing what to say.
“You.”
I mutter. That’s all I have managed to say. I want my legs to carry me as far as I can go but I am still stuck in the same spot. I feel the entire world spinning. The atmosphere suddenly feels hot, and the space is small for both of us.
“It’s you that I have been talking to.” He speaks. Everything he did comes back flooding. The flash backs I have are having me have a blurry vision. I held my burning chest. I don’t believe this. Never in my wildest dreams have I thought that my eyes would land on this man. Still afraid to move.
“Y… Yes.” My voice squeaks in my throat refusing to come out.
“I did not come here for trouble. I just came to drop off the boy’s things then continue with my journey.” He picks the car keys up and stretches his hand out. I shake even more. “I swear. If I knew it, was you – I wouldn’t have made contact. The boy collapsed and I had to call someone from home. I found his phone in his pocket and called two numbers that were on speed dial.” He explains. I don’t want his explanation I want him out of my sight! He comes closer making me take steps backwards. “I promise not to do anything to you. I just came here to…”
“To what? Finish us off! You want to do what you did to us previously! That son you helped there is the very same son you molested right in front of my eyes. That son there is your own flesh and blood!” I scream out loud. I hear him gasp out loud.
“What did you just say?” He asks. I wish the ground could just swallow me and eat me up right this minute, it was the anger that led me into saying things I never meant to say.
I rushed out of the hospital. I need to be out of here as soon as possible.
-
Pacing up and down will not help me in any way. I need to come up with a plan. Mkhuseli can’t know about this. I sit down on my couch. Everything is just dizzy. How do I face this fear? Fear I have been buried for the past years. I have even lost count.
NGCOBO
I sit on the bed with her words still ringing in my head. I feel my eyes glister with tears. My heart has broken into a million pieces. How does one correct their mistakes? How do I face the boy I broke years ago? The look on his face when his eyes landed on me. They still haunt me. To make matters complicated – it might happen that he is my son. The son that I have been looking for, for all these years. The world is so small.
“How are you holding up?” MaNgcobo asks sitting beside me. The way she is so pretty scares me to the core. She hands me a cup of tea and tells me to drink up. I do as told but the tea goes down the wrong pipe. I placed the cup aside. I need to get this off my chest.
“The woman I told you about.”
She shifts uncomfortably on the bed. “I saw her today.” I say in a shaky voice. Tears drop one after another. The pain I am feeling is unbearable. MaNgcobo keeps quiet and doesn’t say a word.
“She told me that the son I molested is my blood. I abused my child. I don’t know what to even do or say to myself.”
A hiccup takes over. I am muffling my cries, but I fail. A person can only be able to take much. But this – this is too much for me.
“Go take a shower and I will warm up your food. We will talk about this in the morning.” She walks out leaving me seated on the bed.
Been tossing and turning throughout the night. Jail was far better than the nightmare I am facing. A nightmare that I will be facing throughout my life. I am out on parole – I need to try by all means to not get into any trouble or corruption. I need to reach out to that woman soon. She has some explanation to do. She can’t drop Such a bomb and leave me with a lot of questions unanswered. I hope she agrees to the meeting I will be setting up with her. Only God knows what I will say to her. I have a learnt a huge lesson in life.
