UnEvLo (Unconditional Everlasting Love)

Chapter 62

Zayn's POV

Okay! So finally after fůcking three hours of group chat fight, we have decided to visit Grace's farmhouse for holidays. It's a nice place, away from the daily monotonous routine of the London city. It's in the middle of the farm fields encased with greenery. If you want a peaceful time away from the city chaos then it's the best place.

And well, if we all are going together then there is no peace but still that will be just us, our group.

I smile as I take a turn towards the dorm rooms. Car screeches a little on the road as I finally bring it to halt.

It is two o'clock in the morning but hell I couldn't sleep without catching a sight of my sleeping beauty.

I smiled before shaking my head.

Alicia.

Alicia. Alicia. Alicia. The girl has a power to ruin me, to fůcking generate the feelings which I had never thought of being coming out. Only I know how much my hormones have to suffer daily.

A guilt feeling is still there but I try, I always try to ignore it. My heart tightens in pain every time I hold her. The pain I caused to her, to an innocent fragile soul, I can never be able to forget myself. I can't sleep peacefully.

Well, I can if she is in my arms. I can if she is with me, if she is happy with me. I can if she is smiling at me, loving me, assuring me that she is not going to leave me.

I know. I know I don't deserve her. I know I will never be able to rectify what I did. But I try. I try every day of my life. I try to mend her heart which I once broke into pieces. I try to make her smile in every possible way. I try.

I can't tell how much I love her. I can't even show how much I love her. Sometimes it hurts me to know that there is nothing which can tell, which can show how much I love her, care for her.

I feel her skin, I feel her soul. I stare into her eyes, I stare into her. Touching her skin, feeling it is my way to feel her, to know every little instinct of her. I know she loves it. She loves it when I leave soft kisses on her velvety skin. But it also makes her vulnerable.

She loses herself. She forgets herself in me. She loses herself believing that I would never hurt her, believing that she is safe in my arms. I can see. I see the trust she is holding in me. The trust in her eyes when she looks at me.

It scares me.

The faith she has in me worries me. It worries me because I can't trust myself. I can't trust my impulsive nature. I'm afraid of breaking her trust. I'm afraid of losing her. I'm very much afraid of hurting her.

I love her so much.

Now I can feel how it feels. How Ryan felt. How it is difficult to stay away from someone to whom you love like crazy. How the fůcking feeling, the cravings eat you when you are away.

I can't live without her. She is the healer. She makes me forget Ryan. She makes me forget Aisha. She is the hope. She is my insatiable need. She is everything.

I throw my head back on the seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly. I close my eyes as I swallow the dry air.

I push. I push my every thought, the guilt, and an unaccountable love for her away. I push all of it away because it starts to hurt.

I need her.

Clinging to the pipe, I pushed myself up. It's been a routine so it's no big deal for me to climb up the building to her room.

I placed my palms flat on the window base pulling myself up by pushing my hands down on the surface. My whole focus was on my feet as I slowly placed them on the bulged out edge of the wall. I flicked my eyes up and then immediately down on my feet, balancing them on the edge carefully.