UnEvLo (Unconditional Everlasting Love)

Chapter 76

Alicia's POV

You just have to say it. Okay? Just have to say it. No feelings nothing. Just say it.

I am walking back and forth in the living room. For how long? The whole night.

My eyes seeing things around without interest and life. My knee hurts because I have hit it thrice with the table.

He would wake up and come here to find you. You would have to act brave. No tears. No love. No heart involvement nothing. Only hate, cruelty and heartless words.

Okay Alicia?

I ask myself. I'm asking myself shit from the past four hours. My eyes are popping frogs, swelled and ugly because of no sleep.

Something is going on. Something lousy in my chest, in my knees. I feel lightweight though my chest is heavy, I feel vanishing.

I feel distraught with grief.

He will be fine. He will be. Once you say something hurting, he will get angry and would hate you.  He definitely would but he will be fine. He won't cry he would just get angry and.. and would break things or...or pin me against the wall and lash on me. After that he will be okay.

I node my head frantically. It pounds when I node. My skull jumps under my skin bizarrely. It jumps and the connection of pain directly goes to my eyes. It's so strange, I never felt something like that.

I gulped as my aching body brings up tears in my eyes. I shake my head and gulps again.

I'm not everything.

No I'm not. He has so many people to love him to care about him.  Harry, Kim, Liam, Niall, Lauren everyone. They love him so much he won't be alone. He will be okay.

Yes. He will be fine. After one or two days he will be himself again. Just say it and make him hate you.

I fiddle with my fingers as I move... "Ouch" 

I rub my knee as it got hit the fourth time.

I feel my eyes burning as salty liquid comes to life.

No! No No No. I run to shank and wash my face.

You are going to leave him... You are going to leave the one who is the soul reason for you to live. You are leaving the one who was always there for you when you were in trouble. You are going to hurt the one who loves you as if you are the only person in the world.

'Stop it...' I cry as I beg my thinking self to stop humiliating me.

How can you be so ugly to hurt him. I feel grotesque. He is so soft, so gentle, he is like a baby how could you be able to see him devastated, how could you do this to him, to a person who loves you like crazy, who cares about you the most, who trusts you more than anyone else. How could you break his trust, Alicia?

'Please stop it... ' Tears slip down mercilessly. My heart is getting ripped out over and over again, every second of this gruesome time. It's the feeling like someone is cruelly, painfully slowly pushing his dagger like fingers inside my chest to grip my heart and rip it out, again and again.

Why is life so complicated? Why don't we get what we want? Why can't we stay happy? Why is life so unfair? Why did God create tears? Why so much pain why?

Suddenly I'm alert as I hear the rough and panicked clicking of the door knob of our room.

Oh my god, he is awake and he knows.
I fumble, I fluff as I splash water on my face. Quickly cleaning my face I dry it to hide all signs of me been crying.