XXXII

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There wasn't a feeling more repulsive than nostalgia and deja vu

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There wasn't a feeling more repulsive than nostalgia and deja vu. To James, it felt like a sudden wave of feverish dehydration that couldn't be quenched, a tight panging in his chest as he thirsted over memories and regrets that were out of his reach. He held on to Eris' grip tightly, his knuckles turning white. Gradually, the sensation began to dull, its vivid glut greying just like his vision.

ㅤHe wished Alex would walk faster.

ㅤNow that he knew the truth about Eris, it seemed so obvious what she was doing that he couldn't believe he'd never noticed before. Even if it was convenient for him right now, he hated feeling like he would have to depend on her for his sanity forevermore.

ㅤ"You're friends with Eris again," Alex remarked.

ㅤJames said nothing.

ㅤThe corridor they had been walking down was somewhere James had been before with his family as a child. The rooms along here were exclusively for long-term high noble and royal guests of the palace. It was more prestigious than the already generous room James had been allocated, not far from his own room. Though, if they had put him here, too many people would have started to ask questions.

ㅤIt suddenly became blatantly obvious that his existence as the dead prince of Ankaid didn't mean much at all in his current state. They could murder him right now and no one would ever know. He wrestled with the contemplation to flee.

ㅤJames realised he hadn't replied to Alex until the man raised his eyebrows in question. James cleared his throat.

ㅤ"Not friends," he clarified, "just an uneasy truce, right now. I'm sure you're happy about that."

ㅤ"Of course. I don't want to go crazy again and for me to be the one to stab you. I'm just a cowardly Ashadisman, after all."

ㅤJames pursed his lips. Alex was still rightfully pissed off about that comment.

ㅤ"Truthfully, I was winding you up on purpose," James admitted, "I thought you could be even better."

ㅤJames wouldn't tell Alex that he was investing in him. He didn't think the man would appreciate being considered a commodity to be processed and refined.

ㅤ"I knew it was on purpose, idiot. I just hate it when..." Alex trailed off, sighing in annoyance.

ㅤThey reached Alex's room, the familiarity sickening. It was bigger and more polished than the one James had been given but it was Spartan in its arrangement. Normally, if nobles stay at the palace long term they'll move their own furniture in or decorate it to their tastes. This room seemed more like the sterile chamber of a hotel or inn, like Alex could be ready to get up and leave at any time and leave no trace.

ㅤAlex gave him a cautious look over his shoulder and grabbed a shirt from his drawers, picking the first one at the top. He handed it to James and then went to fix them both a glass of water.

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