Better This Way 2

Chapter 37

"Do you hate me now?" I asked with a broken and she shook her head.

"No I don't" she responded while drying my tears.

She has my cheeks in her hands as she dries my tears with her thumbs. She said she doesn't hate me but why isn't she taking me back? How can she say she's fine with my decision?

"You don't hate me but you don't want me back" I said while sobbing.

"What's the need Becky? I don't want to keep hoping for what will never be" she said warmly.

"What will never be?"

"You and I..."

"Freen..."

"You ended things with me already. And you will be getting married to someone else in a month time. I have accepted that"

Silence

"I am sorry if my anger hurts you but I just can't help myself from getting angry. When you left me, I was heartbroken. Getting angry is the way I cope with the pains. But it doesn't mean I hate you" she continued.

"But I don't want you to continue being angry with me Freen" I muttered and grabbed her dress.

"What can I do to fix this? I still want you"

"I can't be the second woman in your life Becky. I can't be a mistress...."

"I am not asking you to be my mistress."

"Then what are you asking of me?"

I got silent. Not because I don't know what to tell her but because I don't know the possibility of it. I still haven't figured how to handle my dad. I don't know how to escape from his threats. Maybe I am just being too selfish right now. I can't be with Freen and I still can't let go of her.

"See? You can't even answer that. I get it Becky. You are not strong. You can't fight with me. You can't go against your dad. And that's why you chose the easy way. Breaking up with me and getting married to Jane is your easy way to escape betraying your family" she said.

I looked into her eyes. I can see pain in them. That pushed tears from my eyes again. She has no idea why I did all that. I was ready and I am still ready to fight side by side with her if not for the threats. I can't bear to lose you Freen. I can't spend my days on earth mourning over you. My heart can't take it.

"Hey. Come here" she said and pulled me in her arms.

"It's okay. I don't like seeing your tears. So please don't cry" she said as she stroked my back.

"I am so sorry." I said.

"I am so sorry Freen" I continued.

This time she parted us and cupped my cheeks again.

"You don't have to be sorry. You did what you had to do. It's not that I didn't understand, I was only hurting. Well, I am still hurting." She smiled

She's smiling but I can see tears gathering in her eyes.

"I can't imagine you being with someone else. But it's fine. I don't want you to blame yourself or regret anything." she said.

"Freen" I cried.

"Just like in that movie, the couple didn't end up together but they found happiness in their own ways after many years"

"I can't be happy without you..."

"You will learn to be happy"

"No Freen don't tell me that. Stop sounding like this. As if everything is fine. I know you're not fine!!"