Don't Get Eaten

Chapter Seventy

The crackling of the burning wood in the fireplace was lulling me asleep. But I wanted to stay awake as long as possible. Lying there on the ground in front of the fire, I graze my fingers softly across his smooth bare back as he sleeps peacefully for the first time since we've been in this world.

Jinsen gently breathes slowly, his face turned towards me. For weeks I had to watch him fight the nightmares. I had them too, but his seemed to be far worse. Trying to get him to tell me what they were about was challenging and I didn't want him to relive it since they bothered him tremendously.

We've been here for two and a half weeks now and so far everything was going okay. We haven't seen a monster since and as much as I wanted to call this place our new home, I had a sinking feeling this wasn't going to last us for very long.

Pushing back the strands of hair from his face, hair that we had dyed to his natural color just hours ago, he truly was handsome. Even the harshness of this world where we were finding little joy didn't diminish the young softness he displayed. Falling in love with him had been so easy. Finding ways to keep it from him over the years is what had been difficult.

I always found him fascinating. Even when I knew he hated my guts. I didn't mean to ruin his mother's gift; it had been an accident. But he never saw it that way. Getting his attention had been hard since I wanted to be his friend like everyone else. I just didn't want the attention that he gave me while growing up to be annoyance and hatred.

But I felt it was all I had to work with since he wouldn't give me a chance to apologize and be his friend. I was thirteen when I realized it was more than friendship that I wanted from him. And I knew that was a lost cause before it even began. Cause how was he ever going to feel about me the same way I did about him when he hated me?

Besides, he would have been grossed out and hated me even more if he knew I liked him in that way. So, it was a complete shock to overhear Vivian calling him gay back in freshman year. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. Didn't realize my thoughts were actually said out loud. So many emotions were going through me in that moment that it took me a second to realize what I had done.

But it didn't matter whether I could like him without feeling guilty that he was another guy. He looked at me with horrified humiliation and a deeper anger than before. Right when I could have created a chance it was ripped right from my fingers all within that second. I was such an idiot. And I didn't know how to get out of it.

Until that night at the bonfire at Seth's eighteen birthday party.

God damn he looked good that night. I was bummed out when he said he wasn't going and made sure that my uncle scheduled me the same night just so I had an excuse not to go either and be with him instead. That completely backfired on me. I should have taken the hint that he didn't want me around. But apparently I was too stupid to accept it.

But I wasn't stupid enough to know that he had a secret crush on the quiet kid. I watched him all the time in the same way he watched Matty. Can't say it didn't hurt, because it fucking did. It killed me to see him look that way when he couldn't see I was doing the same to him. And it got the better of me when I teased Matty into going.

The look on Jinsen's face weirdly satisfied me since he was stomping on my heart. I just wasn't expecting for Matty to confess into liking me instead. I knew something was wrong after lunch that day. Jinsen wasn't one to isolate himself like that. Even though I didn't want to go, I did promise Matty that I would, so he didn't feel like an outsider.

But when he came up to me as I watched Jinsen drink himself away and confessed, it all snapped together and made complete sense. I want to say I was happy that Matty turned him down without even knowing he had. But watching Jinsen be like that...I hated it.

I hated watching him be in pain, to be hurting in that way because I knew how it felt to be crushed by someone you liked. I didn't know what to do or what to say to him at that point. So, I just sat back and watched him like the lovesick fool that I was. Watching him get drunker and drunker until he started to leave on his own.

Following him had been my best decision. Not only was he allowing me to talk to him, but he would have let me kiss him if it hadn't been for that damn earthquake. And him puking all over the both of us. Taking him home, getting him changed and into bed it almost felt like I was taking care of him like a real boyfriend would have done.

If it was all that I could have than I was willing to take it. A memory that was only mine and a time, even if it was a small one, where he didn't hate me and actually depended on my care. I stood there by his bed watching him snore away, wishing I could just climb into bed with him and just hold him to me.

And maybe I should have. Then we could have woken up in this world together from the start.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" His sleepy voice whispers, getting my attention.

I couldn't help the smile that slowly crossed my face.

His eyes were still half closed as he gazes at me. A look I always wanted to have but was too afraid to hope for.

"You." I say truthfully.

An eyebrow arches up adorably that I couldn't help myself but lean in and kiss his soft lips. He sighs blissfully and smiles.

"What was that for?" He asks, turning on his side to face me full on.

"I just wanted to do it." I shrug, going back to shifting my fingers through his soft hair.

Something shone in his eyes, like he wanted to say something but was either too afraid too or wasn't sure if he should. In that moment I almost blurted it out, blurted out those three words I've been wanting to tell him, but couldn't. Because I was too afraid of what he would say or do if I did.

But in that moment as we laid there on the floor, staring at each other with the crackling fire the only sound in the room, it felt like we were on the same page. That we were both feeling the emotion thickening in the room. And I knew this was it, the moment to say it regardless of what was going to happen afterwards.

But right when the words were on the tip of my tongue, ready to be released, a loud bang hits the outside window making us both jerk.

Snapping my eyes open, my heart was pounding along with a deep heavy sadness in my chest that it was nearly hard to breathe. A dream. It had only been a dream when it felt so real just a moment ago. A distant memory that I wished I could never wake up from. The bang had just been a branch falling off a tree when the wind became too rough right before the storm hit.

But it had been that moment that I was ready to tell him just for it to be dashed away by our fear of the loud noise outside. Tears sprang in my eyes, and I never felt so alone. The heavy feeling turning into longing. I needed to find him. I needed to see if he was still alive and alright.

I needed Jinsen beside me.

And I wasn't going to stop looking for him until I found him, and he was back right where he always belonged. Right in my arms.