Blazing Rivers

Please Read!!

I've been AWOL for sometime but I thought I'd give some kind of update on my life since 2021 to now.

In September 2021 my mom go diagnosed with bladder cancer. Big shock which has affected all of my family. Shortly after that I started working as a Nanny to support myself and my mother. In February my cat sadly passed away in surgery and I was bless with a kitten in the April. In August of 2022 my mom sadly died, I had become her carer and left my job, she went into hospital in July of that year and came out of hospital three days before she died surrounded by my kitten and my aunty. This came as an unexpected shock to me and everyone around me, I thought it was my fault that I did something wrong or mixed up her medication however I realise that the cancer had truly been vicious as it had spread and spread despite countless treatment.

I moved in with my cousins shortly after this and battled many things that came my way, my mental health, my families opinions on my life. I had breakdowns I was truly a mess. My last big breakdown was in February of 2023 and was a never ending cycle of being high on life and depressed, where I did a few things I'm not proud of, as well as getting onto weed, which I would smoke six times a day there was never a moment I wasn't high but still the breakdowns continued.

In April I'd met up with a friend I met through another close friend of mine a month prior and he invited me clubbing. That night I met my boyfriend as he was also invited but neither of us knew. We hit it off immediately and started this wonderful relationship. He became my light at the end of the tunnel. He's a musician, a guitar player mainly. After this night however a few days after I had a massive depressive episode, and wanted to not be here anymore but my cousin helped me and I finally got out of bed that morning after wanting to end it all.

My boyfriend invited me to a gig he was playing bass at and I ordered my tickets straight away a few days after that night we met. Through him I have made so many wonderful friends.
End of April start of May I did an open mic night with him, I hadn't sang for four long years and it was really nice doing something I enjoyed again and doing it for me and finding my passion back.

My mom was always encouraging in whatever I chose to do and I think she knew that music was always my path.

In May with the help of a friend I organised and played at a gig for Action Bladder Cancer, raising money in the name of my mom, which revealed to me while on stage that this is what I've always wanted and needed to do.

In May I applied to go to university in my city, the same one as my boyfriend and my friends. And remarkably I got a place despite not doing well at school and basically half arsing my way through my childcare course. I moved in with my boyfriend a month after this.

I have made some great mates at uni so far and have just finish my first semester, my second starts the end of the month. It has been rocky getting back on my feet with learning and doing something I enjoy. I have done a number of gigs now, and have my own band with my boyfriend called False Perceptions. I am finally feeling like myself again. My band and I have a single out called Living For Her, we're planning on more exciting stuff in the new year.

I turn 21 in a week or so and I finally feel alive again, singing, writing music and performing is my passion so that is my focus moving forward as well as building a life with my boyfriend and living life to the fullest.

Thank you all!

Fie x