Blazing Rivers

50

BLAZE

He’s gone. He’s really gone.

Arms wrap around my torso, pulling me off the ground, breaking me out of my trance. My gaze stays on the door, praying that he’d come running out to me. Hoping. Someone grabs my face, making me look at them, the world around becoming clear again. Bentley holds me tight, dragging me along with him out the airport. 

This is not how it was supposed to end. But it has. 

“He’s gone.” I repeat as Bentley pulls the seatbelt over me. 

“Shh, shh.” he soothes stroking my hair back in place. It is probably a mess. I bet I am a mess. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, and for making you promise me in the first place, I should’ve known.” 

“You shouldn’t apologise. You have every right to hate me. I should’ve just told you about River and I. If I did maybe he wouldn’t be gone.” everything is hazy around me and my lips feel numb as I speak. 

“I love you okay. We’ll work everything out later. Let's get you home.” 

The drive back home is less hectic compared to how it was when we were driving to the airport. My emotions are still all over the place, I don’t know whether to be sad or angry. Maybe I don’t deserve River, maybe this is my karma for lying to Bentley, maybe it’s because it’s bad karma from the accident and this is my punishment for living. I can’t think straight. Like running through a maze, your mind is hectic and crazed. 

Bentley parks and I run straight out of the car, I just want to be in my room right now. I need to get my head clear. 

Glancing around my room I think back to the time he helped me clean it, when I found out he was ticklish and when he made fun of my baby photos. A single cold tear drips down my cheek. Taking one last look around I let my anger take over, punching and trashing my room into a mess. A shrill scream falls from my lips as I fall to the floor in a pile of blankets. 

“Oh my god. Cori!” Bentley’s voice is far away, being only a whisper to me. 

“Make it stop…” I sob, hopelessness creeping upon me.

“Why me?” I mutter as the two boys pick me up from the floor and sit me on the bed. 

I see in their eyes that they don’t know what to say, or what to do. I’m a mess and that scares them deep down. It scares me too. They begin to clean up again as I sit, watching them put everything back together. My room. 

I used to be so good at holding my emotions together, the sadness. Now I can’t even attempt to hold back these tears. Or this pain. A giant hole has been punched through my heart and I don’t know how to put it back together on my own. But I have to. I have to hold on for as long as I can. I won’t let River leaving me behind affect me and make me into the old Blaze. I will stay strong. 

I will get him back. One way or another I will get him back.  

Everything has fallen apart, but I’ll build it back together this time. I’ll make everything right. This is my only option. 

I’ve got a plan. I’ll go to New York. It won’t be the way I planned on going, but I’ll go anyway. I’ll fight for River Raeken and for what I want.

I can’t tell the boys about my plans. They’ll try and talk me out of it and that’s not happening. I need to do this for me, for us. I feel something for River and I’ll always chase the things I want. We have fire, there’s no denying that. I spent too long pushing back my feelings for River to let it all go now.

It’s the thought of someday that will keep these flames alive. 

They will not drown out. I won’t let them.

Someday may have been his promise, but it’s my choice too. I get to decide when and where someday will happen. I’ll grab it with both hands because there is no way River and I will end this way. It’s not over. 

One moment changed everything. 

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unedited