Blazing Rivers

25

Vanilla and coconut scent
Fills my nose and warms my heart

Sleepless night
With you on my mind

Perfection
Even her flaws
Couldn't stop the perfection I see

She claims she's broken
She says she's bruised
I think she's beauty

RIVER

Lying wide awake, staring at the pale white walls of my apartment. I couldn't rid her from my mind. Her green, glowing eyes, her laughter that fills me with warmth.

Everything about her.

She has this effect on me. One I've never experienced before.

She makes me feel different. She makes me want to be better.

I keep falling deeper and deeper.

This past month with her has been the greatest time of my life. She's taught me how to be alive again.

Helping her, with what she's going through have, unknowingly to her, helped my own struggles. She's also made me have purpose, which I've never felt like I had before I met her.

The day I entered my session and saw her, I was struggling. It being the anniversary of my dad's death always brings back horrible memories. This year I was ready to drown myself in whiskey again. I found my last bit of strength when I saw her. She was genuine.

We nearly kissed!

I really did want to kiss her, but would it be right to?

I can't deny the obvious feelings I have for her anymore. There's something about her that keeps enticing me in, makes me want to continually go back to her.

What do I do?

I'm twenty two years old and here I am calling my mother for advice. Wouldn't have expected that.

The beeping noise echoes throughout the apartment, the long awaited voice of my mother bursts through, pulling out of my trance.

I know that look River, what's going on?

"How do you know something's wrong?"

I'm your mother, I just know. Plus you've got that look on your face, telling me your contemplating something.

"The girl I'm mentoring. I—"

What you like her or something?

My mom chuckles, not taking what she said seriously. How wrong you are.

Oh you do! Jesus River.

I can imagine her shaking her head, sighing into her hands.

"She's different, you know. I want to keep it professional but I just can't mom, when I'm around her something changes in me, I seem to forget about the last few years, the struggle, I forget about the temptation to drink. I don't know what to do." I grip onto my hair, pulling at it, small strands falling out.

I get it sweetheart, I really do. The way you spoke about her the other week I had a feeling.

You have to keep it professional son. You can't be anything more. Not yet anyway. If you truly feel the same in months to come, or when she's finally got her life back on track then you go for it. Just be careful, okay. I would want you nor her getting hurt.

"I know mom..." I lean back into the pillows, wanting to just scream at myself.

Seriously you can't be her mentor and her boyfriend, it just doesn't work like that.

"You're right. I'll just leave it. I can't."

I'm always a phone call away. Or a airplane ride away. I'll speak to you soon, get some rest.

"Night." I mutter before hearing the line go silent.

She right. I can't be anything more with Blaze. I shouldn't have leaned in. I should ignore my feelings from now on. It's far too soon anyway.

I have to keep in professional.

Deep down I don't want to. It's gonna be difficult but I've got through worse situations. I can't be in that position with her again.

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UNEDITED

XXX