Blazing Rivers

4

On the lonely road to home,
I stand alone,
Walking on my own.

Gripping on my arms,
Holding onto the warmth,
Constraining myself.
From the cold.

The moon shines down,
Glaring. Staring. Uncaring.
Judgemental eyes scatter around.

Alone.
Nobody in the same boat.
No understanding.

I'm alone, walking home, on my own.

Where is home?

BLAZE

      I watched Nicola drive in silence. From time to time she took subtle glances my way, but she never spoke. Not a word. I wonder what she's thinking, although I guess it's about me. It's always about me. I'm always the problem. Sometimes I wonder why she puts up with me. I mean she could put me in the system.

She's also probably still thinking about getting me another counsellor too. I've had loads already. They didn't care. It was written all over their faces. Not that I wanted to tell them everything. I don't think I could ever tell anyone. Nobody would understand. No one.

     The crunching sound of gravel makes me realise I'm home. The Casen household was inviting on the outside and contemporary and fresh on the inside. A happy, lively family home. Everybody felt welcome, including me. I miss my old home though. I felt content, like it was mine. I remember I had pictures all over a wall in my room. My old room was bright, pristine white walls with purple and pink hues from my fairy lights. My room, or should I say loft, at the Casen's is dull, lifeless, it doesn't feel like mine.

      Walking into the house, Nicola didn't say anything. She just put her keys and bag down on the windowsill and went towards the dining table, where she sat down. I trailed up the stairs and to the loft ladder, where I climbed up and headed straight towards my bed. I flopped myself down like a starfish and let out a sigh. I felt exhausted, like the energy had been sucked out of me.

When the other two Casen's were home, Nicola called me down for dinner. She had cooked her famous vegetarian burgers that everyone seemed to like. I however thought they were disgusting and shouldn't even be placed in a person's mouth, in fear of food poisoning. Nicola, Jake and Cori talked about their day, laughing and smiling, like a nice little family.

Jealousy appeared to bubble inside of me. I'm staring at this family, thinking of my own, wishing I could have one last meal with them. Warm, salty tears were beginning to well from my eyes, but I couldn't let them escape, I couldn't let them see. I pushed my plate away and stomped upstairs, leaving the three of them calling after me, probably confused as to why I left.

Instead of sleeping the evening away I call Greyson to see if he had got anything going on tonight. I need to get out of this house.

"Hey Grey." He picks you after a few rings.

Blazey!

"Anything going on tonight?"

Bonfire party, I'll pick you up in ten if you want to go

"Great. Thank you." I responded, clicking on the end button.

I move towards my mirror where I clean myself up a bit. I quickly brush through my hair, getting rid of all the tangles. I then apply some light makeup. A quick flick of some mascara and a day of some of my favourite red lip gloss, I looked decent enough to go.