Blazing Rivers

39

BLAZE

"That was..." he mutters. He doesn't know what to say, neither of us do, but somehow we both know exactly what we mean. We don't have to spell it out to each other, we just know.

"Yeah,"

The sun had set and we were now engulfed in the looming darkness, stars showing up in the sky. A streetlight near us so we can see our faces clearly. River's cheeks we flushed red, his lips swollen and his eyes in a daze. I could only imagine that I mirrored his look exactly.

"I-I don't want it to be the last time we... er, do that," he says scratching the back of his neck.

Neither do I. Last time was hard enough when I had to resist the urge to kiss him and now that I have I want to continue. It feels right. Like puzzle pieces that are meant to be connected. River and I are similar.

"Neither do I."

"I can't bear the thought of staying away from you Blaze. I've tried to push away my feelings for you, I've listened to those who told me to. Now I'm saying screw it. I can't listen anymore, I have to be selfish and make my own decisions. I can't ignore the signs anymore, I can't not kiss you again. I won't ignore the possibility of an us,"

"Then don't do it. I can't keep pushing away my feelings for you just to please people. I'm happiest when around you, more content than ever. So please don't push them away," I know, right now that I'm breaking Bentley's promise. I'm destroying his faith in me. Betraying him. But I have to do what's best for me, I have to. If he finds out and doesn't forgive me then I'll do what I can to get him back, but Bentley's different, he'll support me, I know it.

"I won't," he whispers.

A small part of me thinks maybe it's all too soon, maybe I should wait a while. But I can't keep waiting, I'm on a good path, and with River by my side I know I'll be fine, because he'll always be there.

"I wanna take this slow though, I don't want to rush." he says. "I doubt people will like two recovering alcoholics together," he jokes.

People would see the negative side to us being together, but nobody gets it. Nobody sees how River and I help each other, they wouldn't understand.

I wanna make it work though as slow as we want it to go. I want us to work in this moment because I don't want to wait for a perfect time. I wanna live my life.

"Yeah, I want to take it slow too."

He captures my lips in a surprise kiss once again, his thumbs grazing against my cheeks. I want to stay sober for him, I need to stay sober for him. I'm not going to get dragged back into the Blaze I was before him, I can't afford to, I've got too much to lose now.

"Where to now? You don't wanna go home do you?"

"No, I know a place. I haven't been in ages though. It's in the woods, I'll give you directions." I put on my helmet again, waiting for River to hop on his bike and start it.

Coming to a stop in the middle of a forest, we get off and stand looking up to the sky. The stars shine down, a million of little dots all different colours. I haven't been here in years. My family used to come here all the time. My mom and dad used to stroll around talking about everything and anything. Finley used to play with his toys on the rocks and I used to draw the things I saw around me. I can't help but miss the little things I used to do.

River has his arm around me, pulling me closer to him, the silence between us being anything but awkward.

"Do you believe that shooting stars can grant wishes?" he says out of the blue.

"Never really thought about it. I'd say no though, I think it's a tool people use so they still have hope. A figment of somebody's imagination, so they have the strength to keep going with their lives. People like the thought of having wishes, but most of the time you have to take action yourself, you make a wish but you're really granting it for yourself. Because wishes don't get granted out of thin air,"

"What if it was a silly wish that you couldn't do yourself?"

"No harm in trying."

"I wish I never stopped playing basketball." he says after a while, sighing.

"Would you play again?"

"I'd love to. It was always just my dad and I that would practice, along with my friends. I stopped after he died. I believed that couldn't do it without him,"

"You should. He wouldn't want you to quit something you love because of him." I hate the thought of him quitting basketball after his dad died, I can imagine how lost River was. "I think you should play again, not only for your dad, but for yourself."

"You're right." he mutters, holding me tighter than before. "What would you wish for?"

"I don't know,"

"Everyone has a wish Blaze."

"I don't. Not anymore anyway. I used to wish that I'd stop falling. Falling was a concept I had made up when I was at my lowest. Falling deeper and deeper down a darkening hole. Only having two ways that you can stop falling. Either having someone catch you, to stop the endless falling or death. Sometimes I would even wish for both." I explain.

I remember the times I'd wish for death, silent wishes I'd make every time I went to sleep and every time I woke up. Silent screams in my pillow begging for it to end. All I wanted back then was to stop falling, but I never had the strength to end the fall myself. I couldn't do it.

"Do you still feel like you're falling?"

"No. I've finally, after such a long time, stopped. I owe it to you though, I owe it all to you,"

"It was all you too. When you poured the whiskey down the drain you had this strength about you. You found hope all on your own." he tells me, grasping my hand, now facing each other.

I wrap my arms around his waist with my head going to his chest listening to the beat of his heart. My day with River slowly coming to an end, though I know there will be more times to come.

I did find hope, and I'm glad. Because if I didn't, I know I wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't be here with River.

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unedited