Blazing Rivers

32

BLAZE

Blinking, I take cautious steps towards the all too familiar patch of road. The place that has been haunting my thoughts for too long. The place I never wanted to come back to. Stumbling to the floor, I pound my fist on the road, repeatedly, fury bubbling inside of me, controlling my every move. Blood travels down my hand and makes an imprint on the road. Screaming, with tears dripping from my eyes I slam my fist down a final time. The stinging on my knuckles intensifies as the cold air hits it, leaving a burning sensation on my skin. 

I can’t do this anymore.

This is all killing me inside. Slowly and painful. Like I deserve. I’ve tried plenty of times to let it go, trying was all I could do. Taking a swig of whiskey, I wipe my falling tears away. No one understands how I feel, or what I’m going through, they all need to stop pretending. 

Crawling to my feet, I lean my body on a tall oak tree, letting my body fall, sliding down the rough bark of the tree. Sobbing, I bury my head in my hands, before taking some more whiskey. Glup after glup, still the numbness doesn’t come for me, the ache still stays.

Fumbling for my phone, the light from it blinding my eyes, I see multiple missed calls and unopened texts. Ignoring them all but one. The coward in me begging me not to burden him. Clicking his contact anyway, I wait for his voice to come through. Needing his voice to come through. Needing the only person that will understand what I’m going through.

Blaze?

“Riv. I-I need you.” I slur.

Where are you?

“I can’t remember. T-there was a shop, and now I’m by a crossroads, by a tree.”  

I think I know where you are. I’m coming for you okay.

“P-please come quickly.” Saying a quick see you soon, the call ends.

Dizziness overtakes me, the scene in front of me spinning, yawning slightly, I lean my head back into the bark, my eyes drifting closed. I just want everything to fade and never come back. The chilly air blows my air, moving effortlessly with the wind. The light breeze fanning my red hot face. A car passing by and the slamming of brakes shocks me awake, glancing up, I see River jogging up to me, concern clear on his face. His eyes gaze down to my hand where the bottle of whiskey is tightly clutched. His face scrunches, eyebrows raised in confusion. 

“What happened?” 

“This is the place where my old life ended.” I say, standing up with a wobble, brushing past River.

“What do you mean?” 

“It was all my fault, all my fault.” I mutter while taking my last swig of whiskey. “ALL MY FAULT!” I shout, throwing the bottle, passing River and smashing against a tree.

“What’s all your fault B?”

“T-the d-death of my family. It’s been four years today.” A choked sob escapes my lips.

“No, I’m sure it’s not.” He reaches out for me, causing me to back away.

“If I didn’t go out that night, they wouldn’t be gone.” 

“You can’t blame yourself, that never helps Blaze, I’m living proof.” 

Dropping to the floor, I cry, hitting the ground once again, River falling to my side, pulling me into his arms. I’m to blame for everything bad that happens. I presume anyway, it’s the only answer. Crying into his shoulder, I wrap my arms around him, cuddling into his chest, needing his security now more than ever. A few months ago I didn’t want a mentor, but having River here now has changed everything entirely.