If Only You Knew (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 28.

Every since.. I haven't spoken to Louis and when he speaks to me I ignore him or if I need to respond I say.. " Wait...um..who are you? I'm sorry I don't remember." And it honestly breaks my heart every single time I say that. One, because I can genuinely see the frown forming on his beautiful face right after I say that and he looks like he is about to cry every-time...but I swore he was going to pay and he is i'm not backing down on this one.

Since that day i've been thinking about killing myself...but I don't want to give Eleanor nor Louis that satisfaction. So i've kept a journal/diary whatever..and I write what I feel everyday to keep me away from those thoughts because cutting isn't enough anymore. 

I've been noticing that I am not only getting distant from Louis but i'm also distancing myself away from the boys and everyone really.. 

That is honestly the last thing I want because I don't want everyone questioning me about stuff...and I also don't want to talk to them because I know something is going to slip out of my mouth, something that I don't want to tell them until the last minute.. which is that i'm going to my mom's and i'm not coming back for at least a year.

Yeah, yeah I know i'm probably being selfish and what not leaving the band for a year when we're going on tour and whatever...but I just honestly can't do this anymore... I found out I have depression. I'm pretty sure the boys wouldn't want me in the band if they found out about my depression...like who would? They already know i'm gay and they  know I have feelings for Louis and they don't need to know about this...which is why i'm going to my moms. 

"Harry, dinner is ready!" I heard Liam yell from downstairs. 

Remember how I said I wasn't going to eat and stuff..well that wasn't really working out cause the boys were getting suspicious and they started catching up so now I eat...but I throw up afterwards. So I guess you can add bulimia to list of things that are wrong with me.

I got out of my room and went downstairs, all of the boys were already sitting down waiting for me. 

I hastily pulled the chair out and sat on it and scooted closer to the table. 

I felt everyone eyes on me and didn't dare look up from my plate. I picked up the fork and started picking my food and slowly putting it into my mouth. I honestly felt like puking right then and there. The feeling of actually swallowing something and actually eating it was disgusting. 

"Um..d-do you want a-anything to drink?" Louis asked.

Aww he was nervous that's cute!

Stop it you idiot, you're supposed to hate him not think he's cute you faggot. 

Ughh shutup damn it.

" Um.. Liam can you please get me a glass of fruit punch please?" I asked completely ignoring Louis. 

I turned to look at him and he was looking at his feet shuffling in his seat and he sighed. I just continued eating when Liam place the glass of juice in-front of me. 

"Thank man." I said. 

Everyone finished eating expect Louis..he barely touched his food he was just messing with his hands. 

"Hey Harry, we haven't been hanging out lately and we know you probably don't want to talk a lot so we just decided to watch a movie do you want you join?" Zayn asked.

I guess one night with the boys wouldn't hurt. 

"Okay I'll join you guys." 

"Great!"

We all sat in the sofa and they decided to play The Avengers. The movie was starting when I noticed Louis was still sitting in the table. So I got up and told the boys I was going to get water, but really I was going to see what Louis was up to.  I creeped up to the wall and I honestly was not expecting to see what I was seeing..

Louis was crying.