If Only You Knew (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 34.

Louis' point of view.

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He left...he left me. Harry left me for good and I deserve it but I didn't think he was actually going to leave, guess I thought wrong. 

The boys kept hugging me and they literally had to drag me out of the airport because I just layed on the floor and I wasn't going anywhere if Harry didn't come back. 

We were now home and the boys kept asking me what I wanted to do to take my mind off him but there was nothing I wanted to do or anything that could make me stop thinking about Harry. I was thinking of how if he were here we would have been cuddling and he would put his head on my shoulder...but sadly that is obviously never going to happen now.

It was already 10 and they boys asked if I wanted to go to the pub but as you figured I refused. Once they left I let the tears come out..

I strolled into his room and searched for all the photos of us but I surprised to find none..and that's when I looked out the window and there was a piece of something stuck on the corner of the window. I plucked it out and I think my heart was now powdered into dust cause that little piece was of a picture of Harry and I. That only means one thing....he threw away all our pictures together.

I just slid down the wall and put my head on my knees and just sobbed, I wasn't even crying anymore I was just sobbing I couldn't hold it anymore. I walked inside his bathroom and I opened his cabinet and that's when I saw his razor.. I angrily grabbed the razor and I looked at it and angrily threw it in the trash...I wasn't going to cut, I knew it would crush Harry more than he already is.

So that's when a new idea came to my mind.. 

What better way than to drown your sorrows in alcohol right?

I weakly walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen and searched all the cabinets for any sort of alcoholic drink...and that's when I found the jackpot there was like 6 bottles of Vodka.

I carried them all into my room and hid 5 bottles under my bed and I remained with the other one sitting on my bed. 

I opened the cap and whispered, "This is for you Haz.."

I started chugging it down and I felt my throat burning but I didn't stop until I felt nothing coming out of the bottle. I groaned and threw the bottle against the wall, "I'm sorry Harry, I'm really sorry. Please come back.." I said barely audible. 

My throat felt like it was on fire but I deserved it and I deserve many other bad things for hurting the one boy that meant so much to me.. 

And that's when I made the first stupidest decision after Harry left. I called Eleanor..

"Hey babe, how you been?"

"I could be better Eleanor...listen can you do me a favor?"

"Sure what is it?"

"Can you come over...I really need you right now babe."

"Sure Louis...wait do you mean as in like.. you need me right now for that?"

"I need you because you're my girlfriend and I mean if we have sex then we have sex it's not like it'll be the first time anyways love."

"Alright, alright Louis i'll be over. Be there in 15 minutes."

"Okaay thank you babe, goodbye."

I hung up..and I knew I was going to regret this but you know what? Fuck it. Harry isn't coming back and I feel like shit and the only person that can help me is my girlfriend..

Suddenly the bell rung and I knew it was her. I went downstairs to open the door. I opened the door and there she stood there...

"Come in babe."

She walked in and I didn't waste time..I locked the door and I quickly pinned her against the wall and I started kissing her neck, I started sucking on her collarbone and she moaned. 

"L-louis..hold o-on."

I was leaving butterfly kisses all the way up to her mouth and when I go to her mouth I started kissing her with so much force and and aggression. 

She jumped up and but her legs around my waist and I started walking back to the room and I layed her down and she took off her shirt and I started sucking on her neck, slowly grazing my teeth on her skin, blowing the same place right after. 

She suddenly jumped around and she started kissing me from the waist line of my boxers all the way up to my neck. She started giving me kitten licks and then she put her hands on my groin and that's when I screwed everything up..

"Mmmm...H-harry."

"Louis, did you just fucking call me Harry! Did you think you were fucking Harry, Louis what the fuck that is gross!"

"Babe, no listen I was just sad..cause um..he left to Cheshire and I um...I don't know babe but I don't like him like that and you know that. Eleanor please.."

" Sorry Louis but give me some time to think cause that was just..I don't even know."

"Oh okay babe, but i'm really sorry I didn't mean it."

"Yeah Louis whatever." She left to the guest room...

But I honestly didn't care, what I cared about was that I fucking moaned Harry's name when I was with Eleanor like what the fuck was that...?

But the thing is..it didn't feel wrong to say his name in those circumstances..and I felt uneasy in the stomach again when I said his name.. 

I don't know what the bloody hell is wrong with me...but i'm going to find out.