Loaded

secrets

"how long have you known" I'm speaking so quietly I'm not even sure she can hear me.

"Since the day you started" mom answers, I cant look at dad. I can't imagine how disappointed he must be.

"How"

"It doesn't matter how"

"I'm sorry"

"You don't have to be sorry. I may not approve of you dancing in your underwear but I don't judge you. You did something no one else in the family has ever done"

I look up at her, is this real. I want to pinch myself to check I'm not dreaming.

"You think we haven't noticed you don't use the credit card and you haven't touched your trust fund. You've worked for everything you have. "

"Your not embarrassed"

Mom shakes her head "I'm not going to lie I'm happy your working at the gallery now but I'm not embarrassed."

I start to cry, me and my mom have never spoken so clearly.

"I'm sorry"

"Your stubborn like your mom, did she tell you she worked as a waitress in college, much to her mother's annoyance" dad tells me. To many being a waitress wouldn't be a big deal but most people dont have a gran like mine. moms mom is called Mary, shes incredibly old fashioned and very snobby. My mom having a job really would have been a huge deal to gran back in the day. I find it hard to believe she was ever rebellious.

"You rebelled against gran"

"I did, I recognise myself in you. Although I don't have ten percent of your confidence or your spirit"

"I don't want to leave here, please dont make me leave"

"It's not us, your landlord called me and Asked if I could help her tell you she had sold the apartment. Mrs hoover didn't want to disappoint you"

"I don't need you to pay for my home I can rent another place" I'm so use to looking after myself I can't imagine taking a hand out from my family.

"We own it it's not costing us anything , If you take the apartment I promise I won't ever drop in on you unannounced again"

"Please Savannah, for me" dad stares into my soul, he looks like he is going to cry.

I can't verbally accept, I just nod.

"See that wasn't so difficult was it, a moving team will be here Saturday at 8" mom clasps her hands together

"Now that's sorted we can discuss your gentleman caller"

"What gentleman caller" dad asks

"Jason and Savannah were kissing at the door"

"That wasn't Jason" I tell her, she looks disappointed. I'm greatful she didn't see Darcy, we've had enough awkward conversations tonight without me telling them about my relationship with a married man.

"Oh so who's this new guy, does he have a job. Does he have tattoos, would I approve?

"I'm not telling, he has a job no tattoos that I've seen and you definitely would not approve" I answer her questions in order.

.......................

I cry as I pack up my apartment,I've been here three years and I hadn't planned on leaving any time soon. I certainly hadn't wanted to move to a penthouse on the upper east side. I'm not the type of girl who lets her parents pay her way so it's going to take some getting use to in the upside I Will be closer to work and my best friend Hugo.

I agree to the apartment but I make it clear to my parents that they still do not control my life nor get any input on who I date. Mom promises she will stay out of my love life , its a promise i know she will break. I still cant believe she knew i was a dancer all this time and didnt say anything, i had been so worried about her finding out and all the time she had known. I imagine it had been hard when she found out, im not stupid enough to think it will have been an easy adjustment for her. 

"is it safe to come in" Darcy pops his head around the door. He is holding tape and plastic wrap. I had called him to tell him i was moving, he had insisted that he wanted to help me pack.

"yeh they have gone" 

" i come bearing gifts" he throws the tape and wrap down before disappearing downstairs, he comes back with an arm full of boxes.

"my hero" i tease.

We start to pack my things, i hadnt realised how little i actually own. Its quite sad really. It doesnt take us long to pack up my entire apartment. I leave just enough clothes and toiletries to last me until Saturday.

"theres an upside to all this"

"go on" i tell him.

"im only five minutes away, i can visit all the time" 

I dont tell him that i think that isnt such a great thing, i lay on the bed and look up at the brown ceiling. This place really is a dump, i wonder how long that crack has been spreading across the ceiling.

"so they didnt realise it was me" he slips off his shoes and lays beside me.

I shake my head, i wasn't sure if mom was just pretending she hadn't seen him because it was easier than admitting she had caught me with a married man. The more i think about it the more i realise she cant know, she would have most defiantly given me an hour lecture.

"does Elizabeth know youre here"

"yes not that she cares shes with Liam at our Hamptons house"

"hes called Lawrence"

"who cares she will have a new boy by the weekend, i don't need to learn their names"

"she certainly seemed tto care last night"

"shes was a hypocrite, shes had her toy boys for the last 20 years and ive not said a word and now ive found someone who ive clicked with she got a huge case of jealousy. I like you Savannah, i want to get to know you better"

"you know me well enough"

darcy pulls me to his chest, he traces the freckles on my arm with his finger "i could never get enough of you, i cant wait to memorise every freckle"