Loaded

Over egg rolls

Howie is sat on the floor with Butch when I got home, I tell him my night has been a disaster but I don't go into details. I ask him if he's ready to talk he tells me no, he does tell me he's saved a little pizza. Thank god because the bread roll I ate wasn't doing a good job of absorbing the alcohol I have drunk.

I sit on the sofa and cross my legs, the pizza is cold but it tastes so good.

"I'm gay"

I stop mid chew and look down at my sobbing nephew, I think I heard him correctly but I have to be sure.

"What"

"Don't make me say it again" he wipes his eyes on his sleeve.

"Your gay, since when"

"It's not a choice I was born this way"

"Baby I was born this way" I had immediately thought about lady Gagas song and couldn't stop myself from singing. Howie looks less than pleased.

I shake my head, that wasn't what I meant, "sorry I meant how long have you known"

"Around a year, I know is wrong but I can't help it"

I cut him off " no it's not wrong, can you tell me more like when and how you found out"

He looks unsure, I know this is a big deal for him to talk to me. I don't want to push him into going into details. He needs to know that I'm here for him.

"This gay kid started at school, all the football players staying vile shit and I got so mad I punched one of them. Me and the new kid got put in detention"

"Did the football players get detention"

"No, it was the state final so me and Declan were the ones to get punished."

I'm fuming "that's fucking crazy"

"So anyway we were made to clear the old library, he was thanking me and he went in to pat my arm and I moved in and kissed him. I don't know why i did it , it just happened. He kissed me back and it felt right"

"What happened then"

He looks a little sad as he recalls the rest of his tale "I snapped back to reality and pushed him away, I wiped my lips like I had just kissed a dogs ass. I call him a horrible name and then I ran"

"So you've known for a year, are you and um"

"Declan"

"Declan together" I ask.

He shakes his head at me, "no I didn't speak to him for months, he kept trying but I would ignore him. He's seeing someone now"

" are you sure your not bi, you went for fro yo with that girl at the weekend"

"I keep hoping that I like girls but I don't"

I can't start to imagine how hard the past year had been for him. It's hard for anyone to go through something so life changing but to do it alone at 15 must be hell.

"I'm so proud of you, I think your so brave to do this. Do you know how many people don't live their true selves. Your 15 and you know who you are and what you want. I'm 21 and I don't have a clue"

I wrap my arms around him and hug him to me, we sit for an hour with him sobbing on my shoulder.

"You know I'm glad You confided in me but why didn't you tell your parents"

"No parents want a gay kid, especially not mine"

"Howie Your seriously underestimating them, your dad is the coolest man I've met. You know his best fried Mark is gay, he was the best man at your dads wedding. Your mom loves you she won't care, she just wants you to be happy . And any true parent wouldn't care if their kid was gay" it's heartbreaking that he seriously thinks his parents would think any less of him. Grace may be a stick in the mud but I know she's a good mom and she loves them boys so much.

"Give them a chance, please" I plead.

"And if they kick me out"

"If they kick you out which they won't I'll rent a two bed apartment and you will live with me. I know my sister Howie please talk to her"

He nods eventually, he looks nervous but says he will speak to them. He tells me to call them before he changes his mind.

I take my phone in the bathroom to call Grace, I won't tell her what's going on as it's Howies place to tell them.

"Grace ,nothings wrong and Howie is fine but you and Howard need to come here while Howie is in a talkative mood"

"Are you sure he's ok, should we come now" she sounds worried, it hurts me to hear her in such pain.

"He's fine, were not going to sleep anytime soon so if you want to come now you can."

"We will be there in an hour tops"

Grace releases the call, I take a deep breath and look into my mirror. The woman looking back at me looks as though she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. I never thought any of my family would trust me like Howie had, I didn't think he even liked me.

I take a face cleansing wipe and remove my make up, I change out of my dress and slip on my sweats.

Howie is stood at the fridge, seriously does he ever get full.

"Should I order Chinese, your parents will be here soon"

He nods, he takes the menu from the drawer and makes a list of what he wants. God no wonder my brother in law has to work so much, I would need a second job just to feed him.

"Hi ming palace can I make an order for delivery please"

"Usual address" the man asks in his thick Chinese accent.

"Yes can I have 2 portions of chicken dumplings, 2 portions of egg rolls. Shrimp toast, chicken pad tai, moo shoo pork and chicken with broccoli" I hope all this food won't go to waste, how can Howie be hungry when he's just eaten pizza.

Within an hour there's a knock on the door, I open it and see Howard and Grace holding Chinese boxes.

"I paid the delivery guy, I assumed this was all for Howie. Has he eaten everything in your place"  Howard says as he walks in. Howie shrinks as he sees his parents.

I put all the food and plates on the table and tell everyone to dig in. We eat but it's in uncomfortable silence, Grace and Howard want to start the conversation. They keep looking at Howie but he's too nervous so instead he stuffs his face.

"So Howie are you going to tell us what's going on, I can see somethings going on and we deserve to know" Grace says kindly.

"I'm gay, I like men. Well boys actually, well not boys I mean teen boys. Men my age. " he mumbles.

Grace and Howard look over to me for confirmation.

I smile, " great news right, Grace you always did like Elton John"