Shit, I'm Falling For A Weasley || George Weasley

Chapter Nine - In which we have a stunning war

Though George and I made up, it was still difficult for me to sleep through the night. I've stopped hiding in Severus' office now, something I'm sure he's dearly glad about. His potions are good at reducing the severity of the nightmares but I still wake up drenched in sweat, heart pounding, unable to distinguish whether I was dreaming or trapped in some torturous memory. When they get really bad, I end up going down to the common room and sitting by the fire. It's comforting in a weird way to watch it behave in a controlled manner. One which isn't influenced by my monster and it's desire to murder something.

Ginny sighs as she sit next to me. After George spoke to me yesterday, we came back into the common room and she came up to me apologising for the way she reacted. Not that she needed to, her reaction was normal. Last night I realised I consider these people my family and it hurt so much that for one short week they weren't speaking to me. I know it was all due to George and a part of me is grateful to Severus for telling him to leave me alone, but at the same time, the past week has been the worst and most alone I've ever felt at Hogwarts. And that's including all four years I spent with only Severus to talk to.

It's almost ironic that I consider these people family. They're the most kindest, good people I know. And I come from a family that's the opposite. But somehow when I'm with them I feel like I can be better. That I'm not doomed to be this monster. That perhaps there are people out there who can love me.

But it also hurts so much. 

To the point where if I really think about it, it could cripple me. To think I spent so much time alone, lost in my own thoughts with no one to help me, no one to look out for me, no one I could trust; it breaks my heart. Now that I have had a glimpse at life on the other side, I can't help but wonder what will happen to me when it all ends? Because it's going to have to end eventually. Either George will find out the truth about who I am and what I can do, or I'll be forced to choose a side in a war I never wanted to be a part of in the first place. Not that there will be much of a choice anyways.

I'm going to die. 

I know that and I accept it. It's the reason why every second I spend with George or Ginny I treasure. Because like George said, when my last moment comes, I want to be able to think back to these memories and fight just that little bit harder.

"I can't wait for the holidays," Ginny says, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

"Mm," I agree, without really paying attention. I watch as Fred and George try to stun each other and use cushions as shields. It's our last D.A. meeting for the year and after spending 10 minutes on the receiving end of Hermione's stuns, I decided it was a good time for a rest.

"What are you doing for the holidays then?" Luna asks joining in our conversation. 

"Probably what I usually do. Stay at school," I mutter. I've spent every Christmas at the castle, even the ones before actually joining. Since so many students would go home for the holidays, it would be safe for me to come into the castle. Severus would hate decorating his office, but I would always find a little corner covered in tinsel and baubles just for me. Yet this year, I can't help but feel wary about the upcoming festivities. All the Weasleys were heading back to their home and I can't help but feel jealous. 

"No you're not!" Ginny says and I frown at her. "You're coming with us to the Burrow," she continues. My heart leaps at her statement; did Severus really agree to this?!

"George arranged it with mum and Snape. Snape was going on and on about how it wouldn't be safe for you or something and then mum got involved. She was like you're going to be living in a house with two members of the Order, how could you not be safe?" Ginny rambles as a smile forms on my lips.