Shit, I'm Falling For A Weasley || George Weasley

Chapter 33 - In which I give up on counting sheep

I stare at the red headed man in front of me. He's unshaven, looks tired but alert at the same time, yet none of this does anything to me. The scars on his arms gives no emotional reaction, nor did the accusing gaze. My wand points at his chest and it doesn't look like he's going to fight me. It's like he's given up or something. 

"Do it." He says. Ava- Avad- 

The spell is on my lips but I can't say it. If he no longer means anything to me why would I even hesitate? 

"I know you still love me Lily," he says in a soft voice. No. No you're wrong, I don't love you. I don't even know you, how can I possibly be in love with you. 

"But you did know me. You do know me. You're just stopping yourself. You think you're protecting me, but it's only going to make things worse. Li-" He starts but before he can finish, a green flash blinds me. 

"No! Wait!" I yell. I need him to finish that sentence. I need to know what he was going to say. His body slumps to the floor, lifeless. For some reason I feel like my body too is being crushed. Like his death has caused me physical pain. I can hear uncontrollable sobbing nearby. Good- someone else is as distraught as me. Someone else cares about him just as much. 

"Wake up, please," I beg as I pull his head on my laps. Why didn't I give him a chance? Why did I let my stupid pride get in the way? Now it's too late... it's too late...

"Now you're truly alone," a voice drawls in a bored tone. My eyes snap to the murderer. He stares at me with his blue eyes, showing no remorse for his actions. "So tell me Lily- do you like being alone like you thought you did?" He whispers as I feel every fibre of my being igniting. 

The anger. The pain. The heartbreak. This is my fault. If I hadn't been so adamant with running away with my problems then everything would still be okay. He would still be here. But now his death is on my hands. 

Fire spreads quicker than I expected it too, and I watch stonily as his body goes up in flames. My eyes are trained on blue eyes who wordlessly burns with the same expression on his face. The sobbing sounds become more uncontrollable as I hear a girl scream. 

"What have you done?!" I hear her yell but I don't listen. Instead I focus on making sure blue eyes feels the same amount of pain I do. This is his fault. I will make him pay. 

"Game on," he drawls. 

I sit up suddenly, my face drenched and eyes wide. Another nightmare. I say another nightmare, but it's been the same dream again and again albeit in different way. Always I watch not caring for a second whilst the red headed man is killed, never being able to do it myself, but never stopping it from happening. Then when it does happen it's like something changes in me- there's always this girl who yells at me and all these emotions come rushing in and I don't know how to deal with them all so I end up losing control. 

To top it off, Malfoy always ends up mocking me in the end. He's always there. Always watching me make the same stupid mistake over and over again. Running my hand through my hair I groan. This is definitely not what I need right now. 

My priorities are all wrong. I'm worried about my nightmares, I'm worried about Malfoy, I'm worried about George, but the one thing I should be worrying about- it's like I don't care about it anymore. No, I do care, I just feel lost. 

Malfoy got to me. Every time I speak to Ginny or watch the trio laugh amongst each other, I find myself wondering if he's right. If I'm doing this to myself for no reason. 

Screwing my eyes shut I rest my head on my knees, allowing the cool air from the window to calm me down. My hands shake as I take the potion bottle that Snape gave me a lifetime ago to control my nightmares. Back when I used to dream about the night I killed my father- I mean the night my father died- and wake up having burnt another piece of furniture.