Chapter 162: Candyman

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by VanessaStegall

by VanessaStegall

Vanessa's POV:

I'm on my tour bus with Matt and Jeff. I look at the brothers and the silence gets broken by singing.

Living for tomorrow
Lost within a dream
Tryna find the answer to the question
And it seems that love makes the world feel good
Singing in the moonlight
Dancing in the rain
Let the sunshine through to lift your spirit once again
Cause love makes the world feel good
Chasing after rainbows
Somewhere in the sky
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
Riding on the river
Of hearts that beat as one
This feels like forever and we've only just begun
Cause love makes the world feel good
Holding on the memories
Cause smiles are still alive
Looking to the future and there's happiness in sight
Cause love makes the world feel good
Walking through my past life
Where the days are full of joy
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
Oh yeah
And it feels so good
The Candyman can cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

I leave the brothers. I'm looking for Dean's box of stuff and I find his leather jacket. I start to sing a song.

Never thought I'd be in this place
It's someone else's life I'm living
Wish I were living a lie
The hardest part is when the bough breaks
Falling down and then forgiving
You didn't kiss me good-bye
I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say
And pray I get the chance one day
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
I can hear you smile in the dark
I can even feel you breathing
But daylight chases the ghosts
I see your coat and I fall apart
To those hints of you I'm clinging
Now's when I need them most
I should get up, dry my eyes and move ahead
At least that's what you would have said

I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you

Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep
It's the only true comfort I feel
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think you'll be there like before

Holding out
Holding out for you

After the Matt and Jeff say goodbye, I look at the stuff I have. The bus pulls into my beach house and Jeff races to the studio to record a song.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me, just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for three whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling, "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered, "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
For you
For you
For you