Chosen Boy [7] bxb Bdsm

Eleven

"I love when you kiss me Sir." It slipped out but screw it, it was true. And maybe he needed to hear it.

"I know. That's why I do it."

I chuckled. Of course he did. Of course it was. "Well I appreciate it, thank you." I should have stepped back or at least turned my head but I couldn't. He was a magnet and I wasn't going anywhere.

He ran a fingertip along my cheek and down towards my chest. "I don't like seeing bruises I didn't make. I feel cheated out of pleasure. If I had marked you like this you would have soared. Instead we are here, stuck. It's..." He took a moment. "It's frustrating. It makes me angry and sad. It's wrong, they're wrong. I have feelings, Chris."

Kevin's words were still beating him up. I was going to kill the bastard. "I know Sir, I know."

"But they're so often wrong. I want to laugh at the wrong times, I say the wrong things. Sometimes my feelings aren't the same as most people and to use a word that others will associate with a different sensation feels like a lie."

"I think that happens to a lot of Neurotypical people too Sir, at different times. Maybe not to the same extent but things feel different to everyone. There's no 'right' way, I don't think. Last week someone told me that they 'fucking hated Sprite'. That, to me, is a bit of an overreaction to a soda, Sir. I tend to save the word 'hate' for very few things and all of them are more important than a beverage. But... I'm rambling. Sorry."

"No, continue."

"I just think that if you can find a word that's close, you can use it. It helps others to get a sense of things. I mean, maybe the security dude didn't really hate Sprite but I knew he didn't like it and wouldn't choose it to wash down his three bags of chips. Right? So it helped, even if it wasn't the best word or the way I would use it. And yes, maybe to patients or people who don't know you" I didn't know how to phrase it. "Maybe you need to watch yourself more then, I get that awkward situations could arise. But around your friends, me? We would understand."

"Three bags of chips seems unnecessary."

I wasn't even surprised he had focused on that. "They were small bags." Where had this conversation gone? I didn't care, it was nice to talk. My head had started pounding again though and it felt like someone was sticking a screwdriver into my temple.

"I will think about what you've said. Pet, I know our contract isn't up yet but if you would like to change the weekly scheduling back to how it was I would understand."

Huh? "I like our schedule Sir."

"It's a lot of time."

"Yes, I know." That's WHY I liked it.

"It's a lot of time to put up with me."

"I'm not... didn't you hear that part Sir? I'm not putting up with you. I want to be here."

"I heard. You could have another Dom, Pet. Someone who could cater to your needs more fully."

"I want you." I didn't know how else to say it and I sure as hell didn't know how to make him understand. "I choose you."

"I don't know why."

"Do you want me to tell you? Can we get comfortable first and get a drink of water because this is going to take awhile and I could use some drugs."

"Very well. Come along Pet." He led me into the hallway and pointed to the couch so I curled up. "Perhaps this calls for chocolates."

"Ooh, absolutely Sir. Several." I waited until he'd handed me one and sat down and then, instead of bothering to try to put things in order in my head I just rattled off everything that came to my mind. "You always try to make me happy. You put me first all the time. You're independent and I can go do shows, which I love but I have to make so many decisions and think and be on my feet constantly and then I come here and it's just... easy. I can relax."

"Even with your Dom filter?" he asked.

"Yes, even then. It's not that hard most of the time. I think I'm getting better at it. Sometimes though, damn it's nearly impossible Sir. Sometimes I really mess up."

"I understand."

Of course he did. "You're handsome as fuck and a really good fuck and you've taught me things and shown me things I never knew even existed. You've been patient with me even though I know it was hard on you and you keep trying, you just try. And I wish you didn't have to but I love that you do and I know that's backwards and makes no sense but I appreciate it, I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm more me with you than anywhere else, even by myself. That scares me, honestly. But it's also amazing because I'm not really giving things up, I'm just getting more. I don't know Sir, there aren't words to say why I love" and I caught myself, thankfully. "Sorry. I choose you because you're amazing."

"I can't decide if you're delusional or wonderful."

"Both? Hopefully more wonderful" I teased. "I have to be, to be good enough for you."

"Chris, you are TOO good for me. Don't be ridiculous. I think I should go now. I think I'll go to bed and read. I should be alone."

"Why?"

"I don't feel very settled. I'm still a bit scattered."

"Is there anything I could do to care for you?" If he'd had a bad meltdown I hadn't heard much. Did he need things? Help? He seemed okay but I still felt bad.

"I don't know."

"If you could have anything right now, do anything, what would it be?"

"I'd fuck you senseless and make you sore in all the right ways. And then I'd sleep a deep, peaceful sleep. Yes, that sounds nearly perfect."

"So let's see what we can do about that, shall we? Where do you want me Sir?"