Chosen Boy [7] bxb Bdsm

Seventeen

Well thankfully I didn't have to bring it up.  We certainly needed to make some plans; who was picking who up since his arm probably made driving difficult?  And when?  Did he want me to sign his name to the card?  And what was he wearing?  I was hoping for some nice pictures; we didn't have very many where we were both in the frame.  Come to think of it, I didn't have many of him at all.  "Sounds good Sir."  I grabbed the plates and took them to the table.

"This looks quite good; thank you."

"You're welcome."  I waited until he started eating and then dug in; it wasn't as good as it had been when I made it at Mike's but it was still pretty damn edible.  I was proud of myself.

He didn't say anything until he was about halfway through and then, without even pausing or looking at me, he destroyed my night.  "I can't go with you tomorrow Pet."

"But--"

"I apologize.  I don't like breaking plans and I don't do it lightly.  I understand that I, as Kevin so kindly put it, flaked and freaked out on you last week and that this is very late notice which is rude.  I realize you will be disappointed or angry and you have that right.  However, it doesn't change the fact that I am unable to attend."

Disappointed, yes.  Angry, a little.  Um, yeah.  And somehow his acknowledgement of my feelings made it worse even though it should have made things better?  I was just in shock.  I guess I shouldn't have been, why had I assumed he would?  Because he'd said he would, that's why.  And until last weekend he'd never broken plans with me or let me down. 

It was one of his best qualities and one of the reasons I could deal with not seeing him so often or getting from him everything a 'boyfriend' would do; he always came through when he promised.  "But you promised, and last week and..."  I was acting like a whiny, needy brat.  "Fine, never mind.  Do you want to see me after, or Sunday?"  I couldn't look at him so I just shoved another piece of chicken in my mouth.  I didn't want to hear his answer.

"I'm not sure I see what the point would be."

Oh for fucks sake.  Fine.  Fine.  "Fine."  Chew, don't cry.  Chew.  I took a sip of water.

"You're taking this better than Kevin predicted."

Um, go me?  Was that  compliment? "That's because I'm too upset to even argue with you about it.  But you know, Sir" I said, and I admit that there was a little attitude behind that 'Sir', "a reason would be nice.  It's obviously too late for me to find someone else to go with me and I guess that was your plan but still, it's kind of shitty to go to a wedding alone."  Okay, I probably would have gone alone if he had refused originally but he'd said he would and I had been looking forward to it.

"I don't understand being too upset to argue.  Isn't that when a person usually argues?  When they're upset?"

"Forget it."

"Watch your tone.  Chris, I can't deal with a big group of people right now.  I just can't mentally FACE it.  There's no other reason.  I'm sure it will be a lovely ceremony and I apologize but I can't do it."

"You didn't really want to go before" I mumbled, knowing this was an excuse.  And I got it, I did, it would be hard on him but him not going was hard on ME and... "You win."  I stood up and grabbed my half-full plate.  "Should I put this in the dishwasher?"

"No, I'll handle the dishes."  I made sure all the trash was thrown out and went towards the door to slip into my shoes.  "Are you leaving?" he asked.

"Yes Sir, I think it's best."

"I have your cuffs for you."

He did, did he?  "Next time Sir."  Yes I was being bitchy and I knew I was but I also didn't care.  He didn't want to see me last weekend, which I got.  But he didn't want to go tomorrow which I knew I'd eventually sort of accept but to not even want to see me after?  Or Sunday?  I didn't need to think about him any more this week than I was going to anyway.  I didn't need a reminder.  I guess it was nice that he wanted to give them to me and it helped a little but no, they would wait.

He grabbed my wrist and I turned but he didn't meet my eyes.  I was used to that though.  "I want you to stay."

God those words must have been hard for him to say.  And if he'd said them, they were probably true.  It was a far cry from last week.  "I wrote my journal Sir.  It's not long but..."  There hadn't exactly been a lot to talk about.  I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it towards him.  He had to let go of me to take it and I missed his touch.

"I realize that I'm not... oh I see."

I doubted that.  "What do you see, Sir?"

"I thought you might like to fuck since we missed last week but I'm certainly not up to par.  Still, it's better than nothing, is it not?"

"Me not wanting fucked has nothing to do with your arm and everything to do with my feelings, Sir.  Sort of like you not wanting it last week.  It wasn't worth dealing with me."  And then I left, closing the door behind me. 

Sir,

I'm not really sure if you're even expecting a journal or if I should write one.  There was so much that happened with the accident and I don't even know where to start.  I want to thank you for letting me stay with you and for helping me those first few days.  I probably could have managed at home but I felt safer knowing you were close.  I know it wasn't your preference so thank you for trying to make me happy and take care of me.

Now, can we talk about last night?  When you practically ordered me out of your house?  That hurt.  You broke our contract and I'm not going to 'punish' you or anything but it does say that we 'must give each other as much notice as possible, preferably 24 hours.'  You didn't give me 24 SECONDS and then yelled at me even though I was the one KEEPING our appointment.  I get it, you've had a rough week and if you had cancelled ahead of time I would have understood.  But to do it the way you did?

Other than that I guess there's not much to say.  Hopefully I'll see you Friday to give you this.  I'm really looking forward to Saturday.  You know some of my friends already but hopefully you'll get a chance to meet at least the people at our table.  I think you'll like them and they'll like you.  Everyone's excited to finally meet you because I talk about you a lot.  Please don't worry, I'll make it as easy on you as I can.  Thanks again for coming with me and letting me use one of my cards :) 

I'm sort of over yesterday.  Just writing this out helped.  Next Saturday is much more important and I'm glad you're taking some 'you' time so you can feel better.

P.S. Will you wear your turquoise shirt?

-- Your Chris