Emison one shots

A letter to my mermaid

A/n: a letter Ali wrote for Emily while she was on the run, takes place when Emily stays at the dilaurentis residence.

No ones pov

"Dear my mermaid,

     Well if you're reading this it means you found my letter. I wish I could tell you how hard it's been to stay away, I also wish I could see your face close up instead of seeing you from a far. I delivered this letter my self in hopes you'd find it, you have no idea how much I miss you.

I wish I could tell you how being on the run has changed me in ways I would never wish on anyone.

I'm not gonna write why I ran away or who I'm running from, because god knows how screwed we'd all be if this letter landed in the wrong hands. I'm writing this because I left at a pretty bad time. I mean I know I left while you were angry at me because of the locker room thing, and trust me you have every right to be. But just let me tell you this; I lied.

Of course that's not new, right? But I lied to you, those kisses weren't just for practice Em. I couldn't tell you back then because I was so scared. Scared of what everyone would think, scared of what the girls would think, and also I was scared of you.

I was terrified of my feelings for you, feelings I've never felt for anyone. God if I could do it all again everything would be so different. I really need to see you, I know I've said it like a million times already but I miss you so much. I know what I did was wrong, using you and stringing you along.

You have to believe me when I say that hurting you was the one thing I regret the most. I couldn't help it. I mean I can't tell you why I did it, because God knows why I do things like that, but I can try.

Emily, the day I met you I knew you were different, I never felt anything romantic for you at that time, but God how I knew you were different. Then when you kissed me in the library, and I felt something I'd never felt before. I was so confused, I knew I shouldn't have been attracted to a girl, but man I just couldn't help myself.

So I kept kissing you, I kept doing all those special things for, kind things that I would never do for anyone else. I told myself it meant nothing, at first I believed it, that it was all just pretend and for practice, but then I remember when I caught you staring at Jenna on Halloween, I had never been more angry in my life. I got so jealous, I think that's when I realized I was attracted to you in more ways then I thought.

God, I was so selfish, I wanted you all to myself even though I knew I didn't deserve you, heck I still don't deserve you. But that didn't stop me, even though I knew very well that I'd break you because, I'm Alison Dilaurentis, the girl that burns everything she touches. I'm also the girl who's not meant to love or be loved, especially not by you. That's why I rejected you that day in the locker room, because I don't deserve you Emily Fields. I didn't deserve you then, and I still don't deserve you now.

You deserve a love that excites you everyday from the moment you wake up, to the moment you fall asleep. You deserve a love where you can hold their hand in public; you deserve a love that doesn't only hurt you. You deserve it all Emily, the entire world. I can't give you that, I will never be able to give you that. I know I'm rambling in this letter but just give me a few more seconds to believe that there's still a little hope for me and you.

I know what I'm about to do is going to hurt more than anything, but I have to. Emily, I don't know when I'll come home, or if I'll ever come home for that matter. I wish I could ask you to wait, sometimes I wish I was still that selfish girl from before so I could have you in the end, but I grew up, and I'm telling you to let me go and move on.

What I said earlier, about you deserving the world, I mean it. Find someone who gives you it, Em, because I can only give you a part of it. Maybe we are soulmates after all, but if we are then we always have next lifetime right? Maybe we are meant to be together just not in this life. I think I've screwed that up, way too much by now.

If we really love each other, then trust me, we'll get there. Even if it takes a million lifetimes, I'd never stop trying. I love you Emily Fields, don't you ever forget, we're Pip and Estella, we got forever to figure this out.

Love, You're Estella."

A/n: wow I just made myself sad