Secrets of the Past

Chapter 17

"Are you sure?" he asked, handing her a box of tissues. "I don't want to upset you more."

"I don't think that's possible at this point," she said with a slight laugh. "It's ok, really."

"Well I don't really know where to start. So you don't talk to any of your siblings now? Not even the younger ones?"

"No, none of them."

"Have you ever TRIED to talk to the younger ones?"

"No. When I got out of prison they would have still been living at home. I wanted nothing more to do with my mom so I didn't even try."

"Why did no one ever call child services?" he asked. "A drunk prostitute with five kids? Someone had to notice this."

"You'd be amazed at what you can get away with when you let the sheriff and other people in powerful positions fuck you for free." His mouth fell open at this statement.

"My mom was really attractive and could be very charming when it came to getting what she wanted," she continued. "I remember them coming out once, child services. I was maybe six? Seven? I remember it was a man. He came in and asked some questions, then she took him to 'look around' the trailer. They were gone for a while and when they came back to the front room they were both all smiles. Of course, back then I had no idea what had actually happened."

A look of disgust washed over his face. "Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. We lived right on the outskirts of Vegas. It was a really small town. Not many people came out that way."

"That is just unbelievable to me," he said shaking his head. "Did she bring her clients to the trailer?"

"Sometimes. Most of the time I think she just serviced them in their car or seedy motels. I don't know for sure."

"Who took care of you when she was 'working'?"

"Sometimes it was a friend of hers, other times we were home alone. My older sister was seven when I was born and my brother was six. I think when my sister was around ten my mom started leaving us alone."

"How old are your other sisters?"

"One is two years younger than me, the other is three years younger," she said. He sat speechless for a moment, trying to think of what else he wanted to ask.

"I'm sorry. I'm still trying to process all of this. I can't imagine this was your life."

"Sounds like something out of the movies, doesn't it? But I assure you it was all real."

"How... How did you do it? How did you mentally get through that? Like, when it was happening, when you were just a kid and you lived at home. I think I would have run away."

"I didn't really have anywhere to run TO. We were at least five miles from the city. We didn't get a lot of traffic because there wasn't anything to see. Unless you lived there or knew someone who lived there, you'd never go there. So no traffic meant no way to hitchhike. I thought about it, sure. But it would have been pointless.

As for how I survived mentally...well, I turned to a life of petty crime. I mean, it took my mind off of what was going on at home. Also, the vandalism really allowed me to get out a lot of my aggression."

She was feeling exhausted. The hour, and the emotional roller coaster was catching up to her. He could see it on her face. He had more questions but he decided to drop it for the night.

"Let's go to bed. We can talk about it more tomorrow. Or not if you don't want to."

"It's ok, we can keep going."

"No, we're both tired and I can tell you are emotionally drained."

He got up and finished taking off his clothes. She stood up and changed into a t-shirt. They got under the covers and he switched off the light.

"Come over here," he said softly, holding an arm out. She moved next to him, her arm over his abdomen, his arm around her. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That you had to go through all of that. And thank you for telling me, for trusting me enough to tell me."

"Thank you for not running for the hills screaming."

"Not a chance," he said, kissing her head.

"I love you. And I'm so glad you're here with me."

"I love you, too. And I'm not going anywhere. I promise. What you told me changes nothing. The past is the past. And you completely turned your life around. That's really impressive and something to be proud of."

"Thank you. It wasn't easy. But I am thankful every day that I didn't turn out like my mother."

"I do have one more question," he said.

"What's that?"

"Have you ever thought about trying to find your siblings now? Aren't you curious to see what they're doing, how they turned out?"

"I've thought about them. I've wondered what happened to them. But I don't know if I really want to find them. And I wouldn't know where to start anyway."

"Ok," he said. "I think curiosity would get the better of me."

"To be honest, I worry that it's just going to open all the old wounds. And if I was in regular contact with them they would just be a constant reminder of the past. I don't want or need that."

"I can understand that." They were quiet for a minute before he said "Good night."

"Good night." She lifted her head to kiss him. His lips instantly soothed her. A feeling of utter peace washed over her. "I love you."

"I love you, too."