Secrets of the Past

Chapter 31

"So she lives here now?" Brian asked. They were driving back to his house from the ferry and she was filling him in on the conversation she'd had with her sister.

"I guess so. I mean, yeah. She said she's looking for a job. She said she quit her job before she came out here."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She said she came out here for me, to find me, to meet me. That was her sole reason for coming to New York."

"Well what if she hadn't found you? Would've been a wasted trip."

"I asked her about that and she said she'd stay here anyway," Giovanna said.

"So she didn't ask you for anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, she didn't ask you for money? Or to help her find a job?"

"No. I asked her if she had money and she said she has a small savings."

"What would you have done if she had asked you for money?"

She thought for a minute. "I don't know. She's my sister. But I don't know her. I suppose I would have given her a little." Brian gripped her knee.

"I think it's great that you would look out for her. Are you going to see her again?"

"I think so. I told her I would call her."

"Do you want to grab dinner? I don't feel like cooking."

"Sure. Wherever you want to go is fine with me. I'm starving."

After dinner she picked her car up at his house and went to her apartment. She was exhausted and collapsed on her bed. She replayed the conversation with Chloe in her head. Her mother had said she would kill her. Deep down she knew that had been the alcohol talking, but it still stung. She thought about how lucky Brian was, knowing that Mrs. Quinn would never say that about any of her kids.

She wondered now where her other siblings were. She hadn't thought to ask Chloe of she spoke to any of them. She also wondered if her mother was still alive. Maybe she'd drank herself to death. She wasn't sure if Chloe would know about that. It didn't sound like Chloe had much more love for their mom than she did.

As these thoughts swam in her head, memories of the past flooded in. Painful memories, of abuse and neglect. Of a parent who hadn't loved her. Of growing up not knowing who her father was. It soon became too much for her and the tears started flowing. She'd never allowed herself to feel sorry for herself. But right now, in this moment, that's exactly what she felt.

She woke the next day with red, puffy, tired eyes and a headache. She had no idea how long she had cried the night before and no recollection of falling asleep. She called in sick to work, took some medicine for her headache and went back to bed.

It was late afternoon when she woke again to knocking on her door. She felt groggy and didn't immediately get out of bed. The knocking grew louder and she looked over at the clock as she got out of bed. It was nearly 4:30.

She looked through the peep hole on the door and saw Brian there, looking anxious. She quickly opened the door, concerned.

"What's wrong?" they both asked at the same time. Both were confused by the other's question.

"I've been trying to reach you all day," Brian said.

"I've been sleeping. I didn't go to work today."

"All day?"

"Yes. Come inside and we'll talk." She stepped aside so he could enter and they sat on the couch.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I had a really bad headache this morning so I called in sick. That's it. Is that why you're here? Because I didn't answer my phone?"

"Yes. I was worried about you." She smiled at him.

"I'm fine. I had a little bit of a meltdown last night bu..."

"A meltdown?"

"Well, I guess that's what you'd call it. I just got overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions."

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked. "I would have come over."

"To be honest the thought never even crossed my mind. I was wrapped up in my thoughts and I was just an emotional mess. You wouldn't have wanted to see that."

"I love you. I would have been here for you," he said, taking her hand in his.

"I know. And I appreciate that. But I think it was probably better that I was alone."

"Well you don't have to deal with this by yourself. I won't pretend to have the slightest idea how you must be feeling. But I'm here for you. To be a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on, whatever you need."

She put a hand on his cheek and kissed him. "I'll remember that going forward. Thank you. Now why aren't you at work?"

"We finished early. I came straight here. Have you eaten?"

"No," she said. "I've had nothing all day."

"That's two days in a row now. You need to eat!"

"I know. Let's order some take out, watch some tv? Can you stay?"

"Of course. How's Chinese?"

"Sounds good. Can you order while I go take a quick shower?"

She took a little longer in the shower than she had intended. The hot water felt good and she spent several minutes just letting the water wash over her. She made up her mind right then that she was done crying and there would be no more pity parties. She had a good life now and there was nothing to be gained from wallowing in pain.

By the time she returned to the living room Brian was paying for the food. They settled on the couch to eat and stayed there for several hours. After being with him for so long, she now didn't want to let him go.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" she asked. "I don't want to be alone."

"Absolutely," he replied, squeezing her shoulder. "Whatever you need, just ask."

They headed to bed a little after 11:00. She curled up in his arms and he held her for a while. She thought of how lucky she was to have him in her life. It was such a good feeling to know that someone finally loved her completely and would be there for her. She gripped him tight as she drifted off to sleep.