Tale Of Lucy Nakahara

Chapter 58

LUCY

"You know your end Lucy..."

Death... a never ending darkness where no light that can be seen anymore. How could I not know that?

"Lucy."

Napapitlag ako nang may tumawag sa pangalan ko. I came to realize that I'm back, wala na ang dilim na bumabalot sa'kin, ang nakakabinging katahimikan, ang malaking tarangkahan.

Umikot ako paharap kay Mark na ngayon ay nagtatakang nakatitig sa'kin.

I stared at him for a long time.

I already sold my soul to Death... Gusto ko mang bitawan ang lahat ng ito, tumalikod at tumakbo kasama ang lalaking nasa harapan ko, ay hindi ko na magagawa pa, hindi na pwede. Running away and giving up everything won't make me happy, won't make us finally happy. It's too late for me to run now, too late for me to give up. Huli na ang lahat para sa'kin.

I have nowhere to turn, to run, to hide. This plan of mine... I never thought that this will be so exhausting, tiring, draining. Kung hinayaan ko ba ang sarili ko na mamuhay ng simple dati at hindi na naghangad pa ng hustisya, masaya kaya ako? Hindi ba magiging ganito kabigat at kanakakapagod ang buhay ko?

I always wonder, kailan kayo ako makakaramdam ng saya? Yung klase ng saya na payapa? Walang katapusan, walang makakaagaw, hindi panandalian.

Deep inside me I wanted to set myself free from all the pain and anger but everytime I remembered what they did to us, I just can't. Mahirap talikuran ang sakit ng nakaraan, ang mga sugat nito ay kailanman hindi naghilom sa'kin. Ako na lang ang boses nila.

Ganito ba talaga kahirap hagilapin ang hustisya para sa amin? Nakakapagod?

"You okay babe?"

Matatapos ang buhay ko sa araw kung kailan matatapos ang plano. How can I tell that to him? That I can't be with him anymore after this whole complication? Paano ko sasabihin sa kanyang sandali lang ako sa buhay na to, na nakadepende ang bawat paghinga ko sa plano ko?

"A penny for your thoughts?"

This is my last chance, my last life. I made up my mind, I'll use this last chance of mine in the most sensible way with him. Susulitin ko na.

I saw him stood up and walked towards me. Pinanood ko lang siya sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa niya, sa bawat pag apak ng paa niya sa hagdan, sa bawat paglapat ng sapatos niya sa marmol na sahig.

"Hey. You okay? Kanina pa malalim ang iniisip mo. Care to tell me?"

Masasaktan kaya siya pag sinabi ko ang totoo kong sitwasyon? Would it break him if if I tell him that this will be the last time meeting each other? My last life.

I can't live after the plan even if I wanted to. I can't reincarnate and be with him anymore.

"Hoy natulala ka na diyan. Sobrang gwapo ko ba para matulala ka sa'kin?" biro niya sabay ngiti.

What have I done that made him stay? Am I really worthy of all his sacrifices? Here I am, about to hurt and leave him again.

I exhaled loudly, trying to let go all of my emotions that's keeping me awake.

Enough with the questions Lucy, enough with the what if's. There's no point of stressing out, nothing is gonna change, nothing.

"Are you free today?" I asked.

Ito na lang ang huling buhay ko might as well not waste it. Forget all our past doubts and anger to each other, forget all those painful memories we shared, those nightmares and unending regrets.