Universal Love - Scenes of YuZhou

I'm Not Me Without You (R-18)

"Can you live without me?"

There was a short moment of silence before a hand smacked his shoulder, hard.

"What kind of question is that? Stop babbling and go to sleep. We have to get up early."

JingYu grabbed for the hand that had hit him, wrapping it up tight in both of his.

"I'm being serious. Can you live without me?"

WeiZhou rolled onto his side, JingYu's silhouette next to him highlighted by the blue glow of the clock behind him. There was a definite note of panic in the question, which caused WeiZhou to panic in return. He reached out, his hand hooking on JingYu's neck.

"Huang JingYu! Why are you asking me that at 2 o'clock in the morning? What is going on in that head of yours?" WeiZhou could sense the agitation next to him. They had a small argument earlier in the evening, but, as usual, they talked it out and everything had been fine. At least he thought everything was fine. Maybe JingYu was still feeling upset about it, though.

"Anything could happen at anytime, Zhou. The world is a messed up place. Look at the floods. And with how much we fly. And crazy fans, hell, crazy people in general."

JingYu had said all of this in a rush, words racing against each other to pass his lips, while his fingers gripped WeiZhou's hand tighter and tighter. In turn, WeiZhou massaged the neck he held, trying to calm the tension of this man who sometimes thought too much.

"I should ban you from watching the news," he said with a half hearted chuckle, in yet another attempt to ease the frantic mood of his boyfriend.

"Zhou..."

WeiZhou silenced JingYu with his lips. So this was it. JingYu had a tendency to get a bit melodramatic when they were going to be apart for an extended period of time. This was a bit more dramatic than usual, but WeiZhou could understand. Not only different cities this time, but different countries. It really brought out JingYu's anxieties.

"You ask me if I can live without you?" WeiZhou slid his hand from JingYu's neck, his palm resting where he could feel the rise and fall of JingYu's breathing and the gentle beat of JingYu's heart. WeiZhou had finally been just about to fall asleep, JingYu's tossing and turning having kept him awake until then. Being brought wide awake by JingYu's question had him feeling a bit unbalanced, as though he was being asked to dance while on a high wire. He took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts, but everything in his head made his heart hurt. He decided to just open his mouth and let his heart lead him.

"I can exist without you, JingYu. I did it before we met, so I can do it again if I have to."

He could almost feel JingYu falling apart against him.

"I can exist without you," WeiZhou rushed to say, "but I can't live without you."

Knowing that JingYu was just as confused as he himself was, WeiZhou pulled his hand free from JingYu's grasp and smoothed the lines between the other's brows with a gentle touch.

"I didn't start living until I met you, so how could I live if anything happened to you? Until we found each other, I only existed. I was just a body taking up space in the world."

WeiZhou traced his finger down the sharp ridge of JingYu's nose, then back up to smooth over an eyebrow.

"Before we met, if anyone asked me if I was happy, I would say yes. If anyone asked me if I liked myself, if I liked my life, I would say yes to that too. And I was happy and I did like my life. Because I didn't know how much better it could be. I didn't know what true happiness was until I was next to you. I didn't know what true joy was until I could just be in the same room with you. I didn't know how it felt to be content and excited until the first time you held me."