Ice skate with your heart

Seventy three

Lia's POV
We took Rocco home and mum had this massive go at him about keeping himself safe because he has responsibilities after making sure he was ok.

My dad on the other hand gave him an apple and told him not to die.
While he was spending time with Liam and Emmett in Liam's room Addie, Sami and I was in my room. We were just dressing Sami up while talking.

"Did he even understand what you were trying to say?" Addie asked straightening Sami's long hair. Her hair is beautiful. It's surprising because Rocco has brown hair and brown eyes but Sami has blonde hair and blue eyes. But Rocco was apparently blonde when he was born and it slowly fades.

"I don't think so. He took it so lightly but it was scary. There was blood on Sami, on the ice and all over him. People were crowding around him and there were a lot of calls for help and when I told him he got angry at Sami because she ran on with a towel to help him. He really annoys me sometimes." I say sighing.

"Maybe he's not fazed by this." I look up to her like she's crazy.
"What do you mean?"
"Well I'm still working on the whole physiology thing but he just tried to- you know. Kill himself." She mouthed so Sami didn't hear.

"Maybe he still has those thoughts so he didn't really care. That's just a hypothetical answer. I'm only A-level remember." She informs about how much qualification she has.

"We promise we tell each what's on each other mind." I whisper.
"These aren't just thought you can tell anyone. Lia remember it's a lot harder for him than it is for you. Life doesn't revolve around you." I should be insulted but I know I have a tendency to make things about me.

"I know. I'll ask him nicely when we go to sleep."
"How are you got ask him? Hey babe are you still thinking about jumping again?" She mocked.

"No. I'll just be like. I'm worried about you is there anything you'd like to tell me?" I tell her.
"Ok well good luck with that."
"What do you mean by that?!" I ask.

"It's a very vague question. He could just say no then your left in a rut. Do you know what I think you should say? But you have to choose which one- best friend advice or psychologist advice?" She asked.

"Best friend."
"Just talk to him. It's the best thing you can do. He may get angry but he will soon come to terms that you were only worried and wanted to know if he is ok." I nod and hug her as we continue making Sami look more beautiful.

------------------------------------------
I was lying in bed waiting for Rocco to come back in from putting Sami to sleep and I was worried about what he might say.

He came in and got dressed for bed before getting in and joining me.
"Can we talk?" I ask.
"I think we need to as well. So go." He copies.

"I know your on antidepressants and all and you say it's working but I'm still worried. You took today really lightly not scared that you almost died." I explain.

"Your worried if I'm still have
thoughts about hurting myself. The answer to that is no. I took this lightly because it happens constantly in ice hockey and I know you are just more worried because of what's happening to us but I want to know what's going on with you?" He asks.

Me?
"I'm fine. I'm always fine." I tell him.
"No your not. Lia you think I don't know you. I know when something is bothering you and I've left it for a few days but now I want to know." I'm so confused.

"Rocco I'm fine. I care about you at the moment."
"That's exactly what's wrong. Your hiding your feelings and putting them aside because I tried to do something stupid. How are you feeling?" This has changed completely to what I aimed to do.

I'm fine. I know I'm fine. So why does he think otherwise.
"Lia? Answer my question." He took me out of my thoughts.
"I'm fine. I promise."

"So your not upset about anything that's happened in the pass month? Lia your hiding your feelings and to be honest I don't like it. I like violent, aggressive, happy, very emotional Lia. Not hiding pretending to be strong. No one expects you to be the strong one in this relationship at all. You've had scares after scares and a lost. People expect you to not want to get in the morning, to take your time with the day and expect you to cry. You can't keep your feelings bottled up, it's dangerous. Look what happened to me. I don't want that to ever happen to you." He cups my face and looks straight into my eyes.

Then I just broke.
"I'm upset about everything. I feel like your not taking this whole thing seriously. Like it was a joke. It wasn't and now I'm constantly scared for you. Not because I'm afraid that you'll do it again I'm afraid of what will happen if you disappear. I lost my son then my fiancé? That would make me feel shit. Then Sami will be in more pain and that's traumatising for a 3 year old. Losing the two most important people in her life. I just don't want to lose you." I cried.

I needed the comfort from him. I needed him to know how I felt so he would feel some what responsible for later actions.

"You won't lose anyone else for a long time. I promise you. I do take this seriously. It may not look like I do but oh god I do." He tells me hugging me tight.

"Always tell me how you feel. I care a lot about the way you feel. Never hide it from me." I nod and we lie down.
I spent my night cuddled up to Rocco thinking about how much i kinda neglected my feelings.