part of be blamed myself for tyler's death. the other part - which didn't occur to me until now - didn't blame myself. i knew tyler's past from just listening to his songs. he was suicidal. i tried to comfort myself by saying that i might of saved tyler in a way. i mean, josh caused this. josh even admitted it. it pained me but i knew i had to go on. i spent the past few months trying to get away from tyler. this was my chance. i got what i wanted. he was gone.
i wiped away the rest of my tears and sat up from the bed, glancing over at the clock.
5:12 am
i groaned, stepping out of bed uneasily. i had forbid myself to look at any of tylers belongings until now, for my state. but it obviously wasnt helping and maybe looking at his stuff would help me move on.
move on.
the words hit me like an ongoing truck. i had been spending months with my favorite band. yes, they might be insane. yes, they kidnapped me and wont let me go, but still.
i sat down on my knees in front of tyler's suitcase, sighing and telling myself repeatedly not to cry. even though i have been non stop for the past few hours, this isn't the time.
i unzipped the suitcase, almost automatically grabbing tyler's yellow sweater. i quickly slid it over top of what i was wearing - nothing more than a lace bra tyler had bought me and underwear that matched it. i breathed in the sent of the sweater, not surprised when it smelled like tyler.
i continued looking through the bag. all the stuff that was on the will was in the location, as promised. i laid all the stuff that was on the will aside.
after a few minutes searching in tyler's bag, i picked up the stuff that was set aside and put them in my bag. josh had been acting odd lately, and if he tried to look for the stuff i'd be screwed. i frowned, laying back in bed and surprisingly found peace, falling asleep.
that was, until banging on the doors woke me up.
