I'm Not Crazy Yet (editing)

Chapter 4: I Don't Have Two Heads

Edit (07/11/19)
Legit I have never wanted to rip my body shell off more than I have when rereading this. And I'm lactose intolerant and chug chocolate milk daily my body hates me but I don't think I have ever wanted it to hate me.
Anyway it's better (I think) now.
Oh and as my old AN said this is weird so Um please don't check yourself into a psych ward just yet. :)
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Now I'm almost positive you couldn't hear a pin drop as there was carpeted flooring, but for the sake of dramatics let's say you could. All six eyeballs were looking at me like I just grew another head. That would be very weird to have happened, I mean why would anyone want two heads I already got untamable hair why would I want two sets of it?

Syd: Not really the most important issue here Cyd.

Cyd: Oh, what is then, cuz I mean I've helped a bun- "ow ow ow ow ow!" I bit into a kernel which I spit out after it attacked me. "Stupid popcorn kernel being all mean and hurting my tooth I mean what on earth have I ever done to you apart from eating your family!" I mumbled to myself I didn't want to break the silence in the room wait can you break silence? Isn't silence like not sound so how do you break sound! Maybe you do it with a hammer...
Syd: A hammer can't break sound you imbecile!
Cyd: Maybe a hammer specially designed to break sound could!
Syd: *face palms* God, you idiot! Anyway, you haven't helped at all I mean you just threw some stuffed llama at a teacher!!!
Cyd: Jim is not just some stuffed llama! He is the king of all llamas! Okay, he's not but he's my bezzie after that weird kid down the street from us who licks rats and has a pet sheep. That's a cool kid. Oh and then it's you.
Syd: What? How on earth am I your third! THIRD! Best friend!!! How is sheep kid better than me!?
Cyd: Didn't you listen he's cool. You're not. You're just annoying.
Syd: *mumbles to self while rolling her eyes* Why do I bother?
Cyd: I don't know maybe because you'd be lonely without me and be very sad not to join me and Jim in our world domination. But I gotta go now.
Syd: What you can't go I'm-
Cyd: Shhh, no I need to go and clear things up with Mr Fancy suit as he thinks I've got two heads. And I clearly have one.
Syd: But I-
Cyd: Good day my dear... I snort out loud and make this unattractive pig face as I start to giggle at my own use of fancy language.
"I should be the queen, I mean I bet I use fancier language than her and I bet I can get rid of all her dogs too I mean I have nothing against dogs I have one well technically my neighbours have him but he bit me once so I'm basically his best friend; his name's Ginger because he's ginger and he has this really weird mark on his neck that looks like he got shot but it's not it's just how his fur is I thought it was so cool I wanted to name him Jill but my mum said you can't call a boy dog a girl's name and so I started a petition that night that girls should be able to have boys name because why not free country freedom and all that jazz." I took a deep breath so I could continue on with the rant but I was stopped by gunner guy slapping his hand over my mouth and almost whining

"Please just be quiet. I can't do this anymore, I think I have just lost like thirty brain cells!" I liked Gunner guy so I only replied once more.

"Aww okay gunner guy I'll stop now but if you don't like brain cells go to my English class I mean that teacher has literally nothing but stupid coming out of her mouth." Okay so now you're all wondering how I said this, but well I really didn't because it was mostly mumbled due to the hand on my mouth so it really came out something sorta like this:

"aww -ay dungher -I eh oh ow no oon ik brenell mgmbmg egs catheh en thatechd a othng uh sthud cuhnf urnsg urhs" but being the intelligent humans that they are I think they got what I was trying to put down. So, I tapped the guy's hand and raised my hand with the juice box in to show him I wanted juice, he reluctantly took his hand off ma mouth and that is how gunner man ruined the room's atmosphere by taking my amazing talking abilities away from their ears.

Now fancy suit stood in front of Mrs B. and asked her some boring questions like:
'where's my family?' 'where did your husband take my kids?' 'I swear if you hurt them I'll kill you.'
You know normal people things.
I was relaxing back waiting for this to finish which gave me time to slurp on my juice box and really take in the people before me. So, Mr Fancy is an old dude in his fifties with salt and pepper hair with a kind face that looks like he's probably the nicest man ever.
Syd: Well if you ignore the fact that he's threatening someone with a gun. Yeah I'm sure he's lovely.
Cyd: Always judging people Syd, I though I taught you better than that!
Syd: WHAT!?
He's wearing this grey three-piece suit with a grey-blue tie which matches his eyes and he has the jaw like those models and stuff. ( I'm not good at describing people so this is as good as its gonna get.) and he has these fancy looking shiny things on his jacket sleeve.
Syd: Cufflinks
Cyd: Gesundheit
Overall Mr Fancy was a good looking old person. Gunner Guy was I think maybe about 20, but I cannot be sure because he had these goggles on that made half his face look like an orange mirror it was like he was wearing snow goggles like the ones you see in the movies but I don't know why he would wear them in an office even if he is going to kill people. I mean it's cold in Britain but not that cold I mean I think the last time we had snow was a few years back and that was the only snow that actually stuck you know? But anyway he was in all black but with slight floral print peeking through.
Syd: Weird.
Cyd: I know! I mean who would wear floral print?!
He had a black jacket on which was plain and a long slate grey trench coat black slightly baggy jeans and combat boots. I think he was going for the menacing look but it came off more as obnoxious idiot. I really needed to know the story behind the goggles. Like what the hell? Why?

So as I sat there and waited for it to be over which took a while as the bell went signalling lunch and I know I just ate a bag of popcorn but it's a Friday and the school does these amazing chipbutttys which are to die for so I was kinda anxious to go and eat the food and eat lunch all by myself with just Jim and Syd's company but to be honest I didn't like other people, people are quite annoying really I mean why do you even exist if your only purpose in life is to annoy those that are more developed than you. Like me, I mean I was definitely more developed for I was a cloud.

Syd: Weren't you meant to tell fancy suit you don't have two heads?
Cyd: Oh yeah, thanks, Syd.

"Ummm, Mr fancy? I just wanted to correct your earlier presumption that I had two heads because I can assure you I don't I mean that would be silly." I shook my head and laughed at the stupidity of the thought I mean not even I would do such a thing.

"What?" I think Mr Fancy is kinda stupid.

"Earlier you looked at me and had that weird look on ya face that said, 'that girl has two heads', so I'm just clearing it up for you." I might as well be polite, I mean if this is quick I might get the left-over chips. If I'm lucky that is I mean I love food and all but burnt chips are not something that I live for. Just uck.

"I'm ever so sorry sweetie, but you may need to be quiet for the moment while I take care of this."
Man, this dude's voice is pretty. I mean it's like the best to be sung lullabies with. I'm gonna make him sing lullaby's while I record them, it will go on my playlist of things I love; right next to whale songs and people choking on peas.

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Edit (07/11/19)
... so I said I'd make it better but I think I made it worse??? Oh well it'll get better soon.
Old AN below 😭😂
Anybody who is confused, I'm sorry I can not clear that up for you.

vote comment and you know the rest.

but please

please

love ya

Bye-Ez x <3