Positive?!

[61]

Jackson:

I looked over to Mark who was silently staring at the bright screen of his laptop. He was surprisingly quiet and only the sound of his fingers typing on the keyboard filled the living room.

I was actually trying to do my homework but I had given up. Mathematics was too complicated for me and it didn't matter if I did my homework or not. Miss Park was used to my laziness.

My curious self really wondered what Mark was doing on his computer. He seemed extremely concentrated and I didn't want to interrupt him by asking. Maybe he would tell when he was done later.

The elder boy sighed a bit and leaned back. His left hand found the way into the bowl with candies next to him on the sofa. He was eating a lot during the last days and I worried that he would gain more weight.

I sighed when I looked down at his belly which was hidden under a fluffy red blanket. I hadn't touched it during the last weeks and I actually had to admit that we were slowly becoming distant again.

He didn't talk to me a lot and I hadn't tried to start a conversation either. We were alone like every Wednesday evening and the both of us were busy with our own activities. We only talked if necessary.

Mark had become more quiet during the last days. The sudden change of his behaviour confused me but I wouldn't force him to talk to me. We had never been that close so I didn't mind the distance between us.

I sighed and grabbed my phone from the table. Maybe Namjoon had time and could come over. I didn't like the silence here and I also didn't want to disturb Mark just because I needed someone to talk to.

I looked over to the black-haired male who was typing on his laptop again. "Is it OK if I invite Namjoon over?" I asked him although I actually didn't have to ask him. But I thought it was nicer to tell him.

The boy looked up to me and nodded. "Of course. It's your house." He answered and looked back at the screen. I sighed at his short answer and sent my best friend a quick text and hoped he would come over.

"Jackson?" I looked up when Mark called my name. What could he want from me? I hummed to show him that I was listening. "There's something I want to talk about." He slowly continued.

"What is it?" I was a bit nervous. He seemed very serious and normally we never spoke about anything serious except our child. I was confused but also curious what could be so important that he talked to me.

"You know, we're living together for a quite long time now and I actually think that we've become pretty close." The elder looked at me with nervousness in his eyes and I also got a bit nervous now.

I couldn't say where this conversation would end. My first idea was that he could want to move out again. Maybe back to his parents or to his Jinyoung friend. But I actually felt like he liked it to live here.

"And during this time I've realized that you can be very caring and kind if you want to. I've started to trust you. I can tell you everything and I appreciate it a lot. I'm sure that you trust me too so I think we should take the next step." He quietly said.

I gulped heavily. Was he going to confess to me now? It sounded a lot like it. Oh, please no. We had become really good friends and if he confessed now, everything would be destroyed again and I didn't want that to happen.

And I also didn't want to hurt him. I had found out that Mark was a very sensitive person and it could break his heart if I rejected him. Sadness wasn't good for the baby and I also didn't want to hurt him.

I had caused so much pain in his life but I knew that a broken heart hurt more than anything else. And he didn't deserve it to go through such a pain but if he continued now, he would have to.

I bit my bottom lip and thought what I could say now to stop him from continuing. I didn't want to reject him. It was the best for our friendship if his confession stayed unspoken. I didn't want to lose him.

"I'm going to get something to drink." I quickly said and walked into the kitchen to get two bottles of coke for me and Namjoon. I felt bad for leaving Mark like that but it was the first thing that came into my mind.

I placed the bottles on the small wooden table in the backyard where I wanted to talk with my friend. Hopefully, he could give me good advice because I was a bit overwhelmed by this situation.

I nearly ran to the door when I heard the doorbell what told me that my best friend had arrived. I let the younger male in and told him to go in the backyard. He nodded in response and walked outside.

I followed him while taking a short look into the living room. Mark was still sitting on the sofa. The laptop stood next to him and his face was buried in the blanket. Small sobs were shaking his body.

I felt so guilty for making him cry. My steps took me to Namjoon while I tried to ignore the lump in my throat. My best friend was sitting on one of the chairs and looked up to me with a small hint of anger in his eyes.

"What have you done to him?" He asked me without hesitating. I sighed heavily and sat down on one of the the other chairs. "I haven't done anything." I answered him more or less truthfully.

"I doubt that he's crying without any reason." I understood that Namjoon was angry and thought that I had made the older boy cry. But I hadn't. I had tried my best to avoid this situation.

"He wanted to confess but I didn't let him." I told my best friend who seemed surprised now. He either didn't expect Mark to have a crush on me or he didn't expect him to confess to me.

"Why didn't you let him tell you?" He asked me confused and leaned back. I ran my hand through my hair and looked at my friend. "I didn't want to reject him." I told him and looked up in the dark sky.

Namjoon didn't say anything for a while and I silently waited for him to start to speak again. "I understand. But interrupting him is actually similar to rejection. He knows that you don't love him back." He said.

I nodded slowly. Yes, Mark knew. His tears had said it very clearly. I felt so bad for making him cry but I couldn't do anything against it. I liked the older boy but I didn't love him. He was a friend. Not more.

I really wished he wouldn't have fallen in love with me. His feelings made everything unnecessarily complicated and I could only hope that he would get over it and that our friendship would get back to normal.

At the moment, I could only wait and give him time to calm down. I only hoped that he wouldn't suffer too much. He didn't deserve it to cry because of me but I couldn't change my feelings. I didn't love Mark.

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