Positive?!

[64]

Jackson:

It hadn't surprised me when I had found the note which said that Mark was going to spend the night at Jinyoung's place. I understood that he didn't want to be at my house in that night.

He had only stayed away for one night and in school he hadn't talked to me either so it had been surprising that he came back home after a quite short time although I knew my rejection had been hard.

I was actually happy that he acted like nothing had ever happened but I knew that I had to bring up the topic "confession" once again because I felt like it was better to explain why I didn't want to date him.

I wanted him to understand me and I partly hoped that he would feel a bit better if he knew my reasons. It wasn't good for the baby if he would have to suffer too much and I didn't want her to get harmed.

I walked over to Mark's bedroom and knocked lightly. Some minutes passed before a quiet voice allowed me to come in. I slowly opened the door and walked into the older male's bedroom.

Mark was sitting on his bed with a book on his lap. He looked at me but refused it to meet my gaze. "What do you want?" He asked me and sat down on his bed. The other looked at me with scepticism.

"I want to talk about yesterday and what you wanted to say." I began and noticed that the elder started to feel a bit uncomfortable. "It's better if we act like it has never happened." He said and looked away.

"I'm sorry that I rejected you. You might already know that I don't have the same feelings for you but that's not everything." I said and looked at my friend who bit his lower lip and stared at his fingers.

"I'm happy that we managed to become some kind of friends because that will make it easier when she is born and I think we shouldn't do anything to risk our friendship." I told him carefully.

He nodded but didn't look up to me. I knew that he understood what I wanted to tell him but it was also obvious that it hurt him a lot and I had to admit that a part of me felt sorry for him.

But on the other side it was better to reject him now before he kept on hoping that we could become a couple. We were young and no one could guarantee that it would work and that would destroy our friendship.

"You don't have to explain it to me. I understand you and I appreciate that you are honest to me. I'm going to be ok, Jackson. Just give me some time." He said. His voice was trembling and I feared that he would cry.

I stayed silent for a moment and looked down because I didn't know what I should do now. Mark probably wanted to be alone or at least not with me. Maybe I should call one of his friends over.

It was silent until the older boy started to sob quietly. More and more tears were rolling down his cheeks and he covered his face with his hands. His body started shaking and his sobs got louder.

Oh, please no. I knew it wasn't his fault but why did he have to cry now? I was horrible in comforting people and I was probably the last person Mark wanted to see now but it seemed like I didn't have a choice.

I slowly walked over to the crying boy and pulled him into my arms. He leaned his head against my chest and cried silently. I didn't really know what to do so I slowly started to stroke over his back.

"I'm so naive." He mumbled between his sobs. I didn't know what to say so I decided that I would give him the time to let everything out. It really seemed like there was a lot that bothered him.

"I just wanted to be loved so bad that I didn't even realize that I was about to destroy our friendship. I shouldn't have confessed." The older boy cried even harder and I felt extremely guilty.

"Don't say that. Everyone wants to be loved and it's normal that you hope that your love is returned. I'm very sorry that I can't tell you that I love you too but someday there will be a person that loves you as much as you deserve it." He nodded weakly.

"You know, we're going to be connected for our whole life. And we will have to spend a lot of time together. We're still young and we have different plans. A relationship between us wouldn't work at the moment.

We both have to grow up and find out what we really want. I need time to figure out if I want to get married and have a family someday. I knew that I'm going to have a child and I will take care of her but that doesn't mean I would want more children.

My current priority is my career as a swimmer. I want to go on a good college and graduate there. That's the most important for me at the moment. I want to think about family once I finished college.

Maybe we can wait some years. Then we'll see if I want a family and if you are still in love with me. And maybe we can have a chance then. But at the moment we should focus on having a good relationship for our baby."

I finally finished my little speech. Mark had stopped crying during that time and looked at me with big puffy eyes. I smiled softly and pressed a kiss on his forehead. I definitely couldn't deny that he was cute at all.

"You're right. We should focus on our little princess and the future will show if we have a chance someday." The older boy finally started to smile again and I was happy that I could make him feel better.

"Exactly. We have so much time left to discover what will happen to us. So many things can happen during the next year's and we will see what those time brings for us." I said and brushed the left tears from his cheeks.

I couldn't deny that Mark meant something to me. It wasn't love at the moment but I couldn't completely be sure that I wouldn't love him someday. I didn't want to rush into something.

I wanted to grow up and make experiences before I would look for a partner who I wanted to share my life with. It was better if I waited this time so I could be sure that I wouldn't hurt Mark anymore.

And who knew, maybe the other male would discover that he was actually loving someone else. Everything could happen in some years and I was excited to see what the future had planned for me.

In the end, I hadn't even rejected Mark completely. I had just requested to give me more time to figure out what I wanted and to make sure that he would get the love he deserved. And the future would show if I was going to give him this love.

—

Happy Valentine's day ❤

My screen is still broken(?) So it took a bit again. But I'm getting used to partly typing blind so I should be able to write faster from now on ^^

Thank you for reading ♡