Positive?!

[72]

Mark:

I bit my lower lip trying to hold back my upcoming anger. I didn't want to yell at Jackson especially not when he had a friend over but I was sick of him and his stupid mood swings when it came to our baby.

In one moment, he loved her more than anything on this world. And in the other I heard him saying that it was exhausting to become a father and that he didn't have another choice.

He always had a choice. I had never forced him to support me or take care of the baby. Yes, it was my wish that our little girl had a family with the both of us but I had also told him that he didn't have to do this.

I knew that he didn't have a choice when I told him that I would definitely have this baby but he always had the choice if he wanted to accept his baby and be an actual father.

Actually, I had just come up to his room because I had prepared something to eat for him and Jaebum but when I had been in front of the room I had heard him and his friend talking about the baby.

It made me angry that he told others that he didn't have the choice although he actually had one. Jackson could just throw me out and ignore me for the rest of his life if he really didn't want to support me or her.

I really tried to understand the younger male. He was under a lot of pressure because his mom expected him to become a great father and he was also trying to manage his dreams and responsibilities at the same time.

It was hard for him and I completely understood that everything was too much for him sometimes but I slowly got sick of the sudden changes of his behavior. If he really didn't want it, he should go and live his life.

I took some deep breathes to calm myself down but I heard Jackson complaining more and more. I had enough! Without thinking I pushed the door of his room open and looked at the two males on the bed.

I walked into his bedroom which made Jackson look up in surprise. Jaebum who sat next to him flinched. "Is everything alright?" He asked hesitantly, noticing that I seemed upset or maybe even angry.

"Nothing is alright. I'm sick and tired of your shit. Either you stop complaining and finally accept your child or you just tell me that you don't want it and leave me alone." I said which seemed to shock him.

Jackson slowly got up from the bed and walked over to me. "Hey hey, Mark. Calm down. What's wrong?" He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it softly. I brushed his hand away.

"It's enough. You tell me you love our daughter and that you want to support her but then I always hear you complaining that you don't have a choice but you have. No one forces you to help me." My voice got a bit louder.

The younger looked at me with wide eyes. "I love her and I want to take care of her but sometimes it's simply too much." He slowly took the plate out of my hands probably fearing that I would throw it at him.

"It's too much? You can go whenever you want to but instead you keep complaining and make me feel more guilty. I've told you about our baby because I wanted to do the best for her and not because I wanted to harm you."

"I wanted to build a family for her but if I had known that it causes so much trouble for you, I wouldn't have told you. I've never wanted you to feel forced to do something and I try to make it up to you as good as I can."

"I cook for you, I help you with your school work and I try to bother you as rarely as I can and hope that this makes it better but I only here you complaining. I can't do more than that." I yelled at the other male.

Tears of anger left my eyes but I didn't care. I had kept all those things inside me for months because I didn't want him to feel bad but I had reached my breaking point and couldn't keep it inside anymore.

"Please calm down." Jackson said calmly but it only made me angrier. I didn't want to calm down I wanted to tell him how I felt and I wanted him to know that I also had a lot of pressure on me.

"I don't want to calm down. I have enough reasons to be upset. You always complain that's to too much for you. Why don't you just go and take a break? You have the possibility to escape from all this."

"You can go on a little holiday or spend some time wherever you want. But even if I complain, I can't take a break. I'm the one who's pregnant. I have to go through all this shit. Morning sickness, mood swings, cravings."

"Of course, I wish that I wouldn't be pregnant sometimes. I also would like to have my life back, go to school without getting weird stares and enjoy my youth but that's not possible."

"I can't take a break because I'm carrying the baby. You have the possibility to take some time by yourself but instead you keep complaining and hope it changes something."

"Go on a trip or just throw me out if it helps you but stop complaining and do something. You're the only one who can make a change. I know your mom wants you to be a good father but it's not her life."

"Grow up and make your own decisions. Tell her if you don't want to take responsibility. Do whatever you want. I will accept it. But don't waste your life and do something you don't want to do. You have a choice."

I broke down in sobs. I knew that I had said things I shouldn't have said but I felt better now. It was like a huge weight was taken of me. I had finally said what I had kept by myself for months.

Jackson stood in front of me and slowly brushed the tears from my cheeks but they kept on rolling out of my eyes. Yelling at the younger had cost so much power and I only wanted to sleep at the moment.

My body slowly started to relaxed but tensed up immediately when a wave of pain ran through my body. It felt like a horrible cramp and bothered me to get down on my knees before my legs lost their power.

Another cramp hit me right after my knees had touched the floor of Jackson's room. I slung my hands around my belly where the pain was the worst. Oh shit. What was happening?

"Mark?" Jackson kneed down next to me placing his hand on my back. "Jackson the baby... I think something is wrong." I bit my lower lip when another wave of pain ran through my belly.

"Oh fuck." Jackson seemed to have panic. Jaebum nearly jumped of the bed and walked to the door. "I'll drive you to the hospital. Jackson bring him to the car." He quickly ran out of the room.

Jackson carefully lifted me up and carried me downstairs. "Don't worry, Mark. Everything will be alright. She's going to be fine." He said to me while I buried my face in his chest hoping that my baby was ok.

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