thirty six: restart

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Justin

I picked up the box and walked out of the closet and found Shayra fixing the bed sheets and she turned around when she heard the thud sound the box made when I dropped it to the floor.

"Hey, what's that?" She asked and I licked my lips and looked down at it.

All the photos of Lily, her clothes and everything of her that I kept with me.

"Lily's box" I said and her face softened.

"Why did you get it out here then?" She asked and I walked to her and sat down on the bed and patted the space next to me and she sat down.

"Last night, I thought over this a lot Shayra...." I started and looked at her. Her hazel eyes were already looking at me.

"What?" She asked softly.

"Lily....me, you, Marilyn. All of us. I was wrong Shy, I was wrong when Marilyn asked me if she can call you mom and I denied her. I shouldn't have" I said.

"Jay, why are you thinking about that right now?" She asked.

"No no, its not about that, my point is, I always wanted a fresh start for Marilyn and me, I never really imagined a woman figure in the picture that time because I didn't know you yet. But turns out, my fresh start is you, and so is Marilyn's. You are a chance for both of us to forget everything that went through and start again" I said and grabbed her hand.

"And you've given us that, you've given us so much Shayra. But I want to climb that one last step that I'm so afraid to climb. And that is getting rid of Lily, completely" I said and the shock was evident on her face.

"Have you observed me for the past couple days Shayra? I've haven't gone inside that closet and looked at Lily's stuff for almost a whole month now and that is a huge progress and I want to continue that by getting rid of all these things" I said.

"Where will you put them?" She asked.

"Near Lily's grave, so that they're completely out of sight" I said and she nodded and then gave me and smile and touched my cheek and stroked it with her thumb.

"Its really brave what you're doing, I know its hard for you" She said.

"But Justin, the question is, are you really ready for this? Do you really, from the bottom of your heart want to get rid of Lily and not because you want to make me feel better?" She asked and the question froze my mind.

Do I?

My eyes stared in the pair of crystal brown eyes in front of me, I could see the amount of care and affection they looked at me with. I could see the sacrifice she was making.

She could walk away easily, find a man who'd love her, start her own family with him. But instead, she's here with me, trying to help me and my daughter get rid of all the trauma in our life.

Giving us the kind of love, no ever did before.

"Yes" I blurted.

"Yes I do Shayra, I've never been more ready for this" I said.

"I really want to take things further between us but before that, I need to clear the way and I'm ready to do that Shy, not for you, not for Marilyn but for me. I'm being honest when I say I'm putting myself first this time. I really want to do this" I said.

She looked at me for a while and then smiled again.

"Okay, if you're that sure about this, I won't stop you" She said and I smiled and pecked her lips quickly.

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