Opposite Day ✓

Spouse's Day

January 26
Spouse's Day

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Ring ring ring

Incoming call from
Danny-boy

Carole, I have a problem.

Hello to you, too. What happened? What's wrong?

So today is Spouse's Day.

And your problem is that you don't have a spouse?

No! My problem is that Cecilia and I don't know what to do for my aunt and uncle.

Danny-boy, that's a family problem. I can't help you there.

But you're a girl! You're supposed to know what couples like.

So much for breaking stereotypes.

Hardy har har. Be serious, Carolina. We have a crisis on our hands.

On your hands. Danny, you're supposed to be the Einstein here. You can figure it out.

Candle-lit dinner? Drive-in movie? Eat out at a fancy restaurant? I have ideas, but I have no idea how to put them into action!

Okay, okay, I'll help. Step one, take a deep breath.

*deep sigh*

Step two, grab a pen and some paper and write down everything I tell you.

...

...

Okay, got it.

Good. First off, the cheaper the better. You're running on a shoestring, so stick with the night in.

...Night...in... Got it.

Women like nice surprises, so see if you can get some of your girl cousins to get your aunt out of the house for the day. Maybe a trip to the mall?

That doesn't sound very cheap.

The things you do for love. But it doesn't have to be a trip to the mall.

Oh, okay. Get...aunt...out of...house...

Queue your uncle in, though. This way, he'll be able to help you out.

Got it.

Dim the lights; light the candles; buy a bouquet of roses; use china plates; dig out the linen napkins; shine the silver utensils. You know, all that jazz you do when someone important comes for dinner.

Did you know you talk really quickly?

Did you get any of that?

The important parts.

*groan* You're impossible.

Last I knew, my existence doesn't go against any laws of physics.

When you were born, Newton turned over in his grave.

Ouch.

We've veered off topic. Let's see... Have your uncle go out and buy a card for your aunt. Brownie points if he makes one himself.