The Wife

44: You Can Do This

You watched the boys run in circles as Hisoka slipped in behind you. He didn't want to be alone right now; afraid of what he might do to himself.

Suddenly, Zenko took a spill and scraped his knee open just enough to allow a few drops of blood to escape.

The room froze as the seemingly waited to see what he'd do. You were ready to go sit with him. Chrollo was ready to have Machi patch him up. But Hisoka was already there, holding Zenko in his arms.

"Oh my baby, you're much too fast for even the floor."

"Daddyyyyy!" Zenko cried as he grabbed a hold of Hisoka's clothes. He had chosen to weep since he had gotten his precious father's attention.

"Oh, oh, oh, it's okay Zenko-o-o" Hisoka cooed at him as he took out a handkerchief and dabbed at the blood on Zenko's knee. As he rocked him back and forth, Akio gave everyone a hug good-bye and came to stand by you.

Hisoka, having noticed everyone looking at him, walked over to you and set his son down next to his twin.

"Now boys, you both be very good for Mama. I'll come see you very soon. Protect her and your sister." He hugged them both tightly and stood back up.

You nodded at him as you turned to leave, twins following behind you sullenly.

Before you left, you turned to look at the Troupe and your husband. Easily, this could be the last time you ever saw any of them again. But you hoped not.

As your family of now four walked along the streets of York New City and back to your hotel to pack up, you sighed. Everything felt different: lighter. You weren't worried about someone seeing you and telling your husband— nor about having to be home for him anytime he wanted to drop in. No more made up stories to your kids about why Daddy wasn't home. No more mystery.

But at the same time, you felt such a pervasive sadness that you wondered if you would ever be able to get over it.  You just left your husband— someone you promised to love for the rest of your life. To be fair, you were still going to do that; loving Hisoka was something that happened deep in your bones, it wasn't an active choice. What was an active choice was your decision to pull your heart away from his. You had felt it when you thought that it wasn't beating anymore, and your heart stopped as well. And you knew, better than many, that there's only so many times your heart can start again before it just won't anymore.

As you and your kids quietly packed up, you thought about whether or not they should have their nap now, only to remember that they always passed out on airships. They could wait a few hours, couldn't they? Chouko had already slept anyway and the boys, although seemingly tired, we starting to get old enough to skip naps. You could do this.