Get Up 10

Chapter 19 - Desperado

Ambrosine Brooks

A night at a hotel was the most sane thing I could think of doing. I need to get some space from everyone. I was truly overwhelmed and didn't need too many people in my ear. Saint took it better than I expected. I was shocked with Chasity. I wasn't a fan of her questioning if I'd slept with anyone else. We have girl talk almost every day. I would have mentioned it and she knows that.

In this very moment, I need to tell myself to stop thinking about the worst and believe that God will guide me. The idea of being a mother scared me. I never had a mother so I don't know the first thing about being one. What if this wasn't what I wanted? Was I even entitled to feel that way? And how does an abortion even feel?

As a girl, I told myself countless times, over and over, playing it like a broken radio in my head: " I will be successful, then I'll fall in love, get married, buy a home and lastly have children." I skipped a few steps for a temporary moment of pleasure with a handsome stranger. I never wanted to get pregnant—Especially with nothing to offer. Getting pregnant by a man who has more in common with Niche than he does with me is another slap in the face.

Is he even a nice guy? Every dude is sweet when they're trying to get some but when you remove lust and his handsome face who is he?

I'm not dumb.

I know he has something against Niche and even getting a conversation out of me made him feel like he had one up on him. I don't want to be a casualty in a beef that has nothing to do with me. I don't want to put myself in harms way carrying a child that could start a petty war.

Maybe I cared too much about it all and Niche didn't even give a fuck.

I'm mentally preparing for another conversation with Saint that's probably going to end with him offering me money to go lay on a table when he finds out this is his baby. I'm convinced that's how this will play out. I think I'm okay with it. I don't want to be a mother. I don't want to be baby mama number two either.

I let my phone die last night on purpose and decided to charge it after I settled in. It felt good to not have to share space for once. The cloud like mattress made me grow tired. It was really quiet. Just me stuck in my thoughts.

I thought about what it would be like to be his child's mother. I couldn't confidently say I knew him. I only knew that he sold drugs, had a daughter and lived across the street.

After being in that warehouse, I knew it was bigger that standing on a corner and making fast change. He was running shit. I know that any man who would be in the streets like that had to be cruel. There's no way he was a nice guy. It was just a front. I'm sure of it.

I also don't want to be the baby mother of a man who's used to controlling people and getting his way. He's tall and built. I wouldn't stand a chance. I'm used to being hit repeatedly by Niche. After years of abuse,  I was just eating them shits. I think Saint's might actually hurt. Fir strange reason, in the back of my mind, I don't take him as that kind of guy but I'm preparing for everything if he becomes aggressive with rushing me to make a decision.

I began to stare down at my flat belly. I wasn't ready to give my body up for another person. The idea of it made me uncomfortable. Plus, I've been drinking. Why bring a child in this world to suffer?

I turned my phone on and notifications were buzzing before the contacts could even pop up. I recognized Chasity's number. I didn't know who this other number was. I clicked the message and saw that it was Saint Josiah.

2 missed calls from Saint.
15 missed calls Chasity
8 text messages message amongst the both of them.

I decided to call him back first. I needed to know why he was calling.