Chapter 7

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"Kiera? "Mitsuru was shocked when I returned the evoker to her when we're alone in the command room.

"I can't use it anyway, it's best that you have it back. "I said to her with a bitter smile. She stared at me for a moment, then she put away the file she's reading.

"Is it because of yesterday? "She asked. I lowered down my head unable to face her. Suddenly, she grabbed my hand.

"Kiera, it's not your fault that you can't summon a persona. "She said to me as she stared boldly into my eyes.

"I know....... I thought about it, when I looked at it, I believed that I actually can summon one. After yesterday, I told myself that I don't want to lie to myself again and accept who I am. "I explained as I looked away from her eyes, feeling guilty all of a sudden.

"....... I guess I can't stop you when you've already made up your mind. But....... I was touched when you tried to summon your persona yesterday. "

"What? "I was confused, what does she meant by that?

"You were in no condition to fight, yet you took your chances when you saw me in danger. You tried everything you can think off to save me. I was deeply touch, but...... It's really heartbreaking to see that expression on your face when a persona didn't came to your call. I know I'm a person who asked for results, but nothing amaze me more than someone who's willing to try even though they are destined to fail. "

"Sempai...... "

"When Akihiko and Aragaki convince me to have you back in the team, I've already saw your efforts. You're an irreplaceable member in SEES, even though you don't seem like it. I mean, where can I find someone who can walk around in the dark hour without a persona?" She joked a bit and returned the evoker back to my hands.

"I've told you haven't I? This evoker is yours as an identity that you're a member of SEES. No one can change that fact. "I stared at the evoker in my hands as I listened to her words. I guess she has a point. Finally, I got up and thanked her for her advice before I returned to my room. As always, I wrote everything down to get things off my head. After that, I flipped back to a specific day, the day that I confessed my love to Aki, just to be sure.......

XX. XX. 20XX

Akihiko-kun had a boxing match today, so as his all time fan, I went to cheer on him. Usually, I would have a can of protein ready for him once he's done. But this time, I prepared something different. He's graduating from middle school next month, I probably won't get another chance again. I'm going to confess my love to him.

We walked back to the school's dorm as always after his match. He questioned why I was quiet today and I managed to take him to a nice place where no one will disturb us, plus there's a nice sun set scenery there. A perfect place for a confession. How I did it still confused me, before I knew it, I said it.

"I love you. "I was blushing like crazy when I said it. To be honest, I'm still blushing and screaming in the pillow right now! Anyway, I confessed and all I have to do is to wait for his answer.

"Me too. "Those words made me the happiest girl in the world. If I really die now, I have no regret! No kidding!

That's how amazing it felt.

After that, we didn't did anything related to a couple. I think he's just shy, that's so cute of him! He may not act now, but I know, one day, we'll be the cutest couple out there!

A tear rolled down when I finished reading, he didn't act that day, he never acted since. All this time, I thought that he's just being a gentleman, but I know that I'm just lying to myself when I saw him yesterday. Perhaps, that day, he only said so to brush me off like what he deal with his fan girls. When he told his fan girls that he has a girlfriend, is it really pointing at me? Did he say that just to stop girls from throwing themselves at him? Am I.......no different?

I hate this feeling, it hurts. I gripped onto my chest, gasping for air as I searched for my pills again. I can't even tell this pain I'm feeling is due to my broken heart or the uncompleted persona rampaging inside me. After I took the pills, the pain died down, but it's still uncomfortable in there.

Perhaps, only times like this, I envy Jin and Chidori for not attached to life. This is the path I choose, it may be painful, but it's my path. I can't be complaining now, or I'll be slapping myself in the face. I guess this is what Takaya meant by serves me right.

***

I froze when I saw a white lily on my desk in the morning. This is....... Not right! Having a white lily on my desk means I'm dead! Is this just a misunderstanding? I paused when I heard soft laughter in the class, girls laughter to be specific....... They did this on purpose....... Am I being bullied? But, why?

"I saw her at the outskirts of Port Island station with a punk one morning. "I flinched when I heard the soft gossips.

"Not only that, there's one time I saw her going out with a guy in Wild Duck Burger. "

"And now, she's kissing Sanada sempai? Jeez, what a whore. Don't she have any shame? "

I couldn't think straight even when class started. What on earth is going on in my life? Where did those rumors came from? The worst thing is........ They're all true. I can't.......fight back.

I ran the fastest in PE class, it's normal as I was mainly speed in Tartarus. But...... This time, I broke my own record. I ran........ Ran away from the nasty rumors. I ran to get things out of my head. When I'm not running, I wrote them down.

"Ah! I'm so sorry! "I was splashed with dirty water during cleaning time. The girl who splahed me seems apologetic and was sorry for it........ At least what it seems on the outside. Once I walked away from the scene to get changed, I started hearing the laughter again. I've trained my hearing so that I would be useful in combat, I was able to identify my situation thanks to the bullies who underestimated my hearing. But....... What's the point? I don't want to cause trouble, not anymore.

"Hey, Kiera! "Junpei called me when I walked out the school building. He seems to have a bright smile on his face.

"Iori sempai, how can I help you? "I asked.

"Don't be so formal, just call me Junpei. "He pointed himself proudly. Well, if he insist.

"So, how can I help you, Junpei sempai? "

"Want to go get some Hagakure? "He asked.

"Ramen? Why? "I asked.

"Don't worry, I'm treating. "He said as he showed me a coupon. It's a couples discount, two ramen special for the price of one. It's expiring soon.

"Isn't this for couples? "I asked.

"Yeah, I know. But I don't want it to go to waste. I've asked Yuka-tan but she said that she'll rather die to eat out with me. And I'm too scared to ask Mitsuru sempai, you're the only one I can think off. "He shrugged. I thought for a while, I have nothing to do anyway, why not?

"Okay. Thanks for the meal, Junpei sempai. "I bowed down.

"Don't sweat it, I gotta be nice to my juniors sometimes you know? So, they'll look up to me. "He seems to be enjoying his own fantasy. I don't have the heart to break it to him, no one will look up to him if he continue to be like this. At least, finally something that I can enjoy for the day.

I never thought that I'll pay the consequences on the next day......

A punk, a guy with glasses, Akihiko Sanada & Junpei Iori. Who will you target next, whore?

I ripped the note in my shoe locker into pieces before anyone finds out. Everything is going to be fine........ This is just a down slide in my life, everyone has it. It'll be just fine........ It has to.

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