Chapter 45

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The world I once knew losses its colors faster than I thought, everything was a blur from what I recall. I vaguely recalled the hospital, signing some papers, sobbing in someone's arm........ I think I may have gotten in a slight argument with Mitsuru. About what? I no longer remember.

It's already evening when I found myself standing in front of the freshly made grave. Why? Because I can't bear to see that photo of him in school. How I managed to survive in school today......... I no longer recall.

I kneeled down in front of the grave, staring at it blankly, both hands gripping onto the paper until it creates wrinkles. He left everything........for me. I was........entitled to everything he owns. Things that are precious to me yet I don't need them. I'll be joining him soon anyways. I don't need........the small apartment his mother left for him. I don't need the money he inherited from his mother. I don't need.........the things he had......... I need him.

I heard footsteps approaching, I didn't bother to check. That's no longer important. Nothing else matters anymore. I was naive, stupid, selfish and greedy. That's what killed him........ That's right.......... I'm the one who killed him.

"......... Your friends are worry. You should go back soon. "A familiar voice came from behind. Or I once thought it's familiar........ No, it's the voice of a stranger, someone that I no longer knew.

"......... Why did you even care?" I asked him. If my eyes weren't swollen red from all those crying I had, I would probably start crying again now.

"......... I know I don't deserve to say this, but Takaya had made his decision. I can't change that, so.......... I thought I could at least prevent you from seeing that sight. "The words he said were like poison forcing their way down my throat. How could he say such things?!

"Prevent me from seeing that sight? Do you think that will make me feel better?! Then, I'll tell you this! No! Who the hell feels better when someone I trust from the bottom of my heart backstabbed me so hard that I can no longer see you the same way as I used to! "I snapped up him, I turned around and yelled at the blue-haired boy. He stuffed both his hands into his pockets, looking away, his eyes show that I've hurt him, but I don't care, I no longer care.

"You know how much he means to me......... So, why? Why did you kill him? You promised me that you wouldn't use the information I provide Strega to hurt them! What the hell did you make me do?! "I screamed at him, letting out everything I kept within.

"Do you have any idea how much this hurts? The pain of being backstabbed, the pain of losing someone precious, the pain of knowing that someone I trust had something to do with it, the pain........that I have something to do with it. "I continued.

"Kiera! Don't go there! "He didn't want me to touch that area. But, that's the pain that hurts the most.

"Don't go there? Is it really bad to realize that?........ I didn't listen to Takaya and got too attached to life. I wasn't strong enough to stop Castor's rampage. I was stupid enough to think I have a way to stop his persona's rampage by introducing the pills to him. I was naive to ask Strega to help. I sold SEES's information to Strega, stupid enough to believe that they don't have any bad intentions on it. Stupid enough to trust the people I call friends and family. You know?........ I've been thinking. If I didn't tell you about what happened two years ago, perhaps it may have ended up differently. If I didn't choose the pills to help him, would he not give up living? It's kinda funny, you see. He's the guy that I wanted to protect and yet......... I'm pretty much the one who killed him. "I laughed at the ironic.

"Kiera........ "

"Kiera........ This name......... I thought it meant a new start for me, a chance to change my world. But it turns out......... Nothing has changed at all. I'm still the same stupid, miserable little girl who thinks that she's a princess of the world. "I said as I stared at the sky, it's getting dark.

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