Stronger Than Pain

Chapter Forty Six

I went back to my textbook, scanning through it while forcing myself to concentrate on the words which had turned blur to me. From the corners of my eyes I'd catch mum struggling to stand, or even do minor chores she used to do easily. I mentally shrugged, maybe that's how it is for pregnant women; with my heart laughing silently at the thought of having a younger one.

What would it be?

A boy?

A girl?

My mind wandered off as I tried to picture what the new baby would look like, be it a boy or a girl. Would it take after mum? Or be dad's carbon copy? If the latter, that would constantly remind mum of a man she used to love whole heatedly.

Then I heard mum sigh.

"Are you alright?" I asked, whipping my head to face her.

She lights up her face in a weary smile, and nodded. "It's nothing serious dear, I'm pregnant remember? Your sibling certainly knows how to make me uncomfortable!" She replied laughing.

I laughed too, with my eyes flickering in happiness. I lifted myself off the floor, walking over to where she stood and burying myself in her, in a long warm hug.

"Ahhhhhh!" She gasped forcing me to pull away.

"Sorry!" I said, quickly covering my mouth with my left palm. She nodded, exhaling noisily.

Mum's pregnancy announcement would have been a very happy moment for us as a family if dad was in the picture. He would have gone all out for it, bearing gifts for her, taking us all out and maybe getting a visiting nanny for mum. All these however would have happened if he was still the dad I used to know and love, not the beast he had turned into.

At first, mum disclosing she was pregnant was a huge shock which confused me, but right now I'm slowly growing excited about it and can't wait to hold him or her; but mum on the other hand seems so indifferent about it, no baby talks or embedded excitements even though she's still trying to make these uncomfortable moments count.

Zara on the other hand still hasn't inquired why mum was growing fatter, that's if she has even noticed it.
*****

Mum doesn't get up to three hours rest nor sleep in a day. With the little I've recently read up about pregnancy, I'm convinced that a pregnant woman ought to have enough rest, which as of now is very alien to mum.

Mum was still blowing up in all parts of her body; her face, waist, stomach, lips, nose and legs. Sometimes, her legs would be so swollen that I'd fear they might burst open the next second. But to douse my worries, mum would put her legs in a bowl of cool water and ask me to massage them. She'd whine in comfort as I gently rub them and sometimes fall asleep while the massage is still ongoing.

Her constant weight gain didn't make me see her as being healthy, rather it grew my worry antennas in multiple folds. I could easily see through her body charade, mum was really stressed.

"I think you should stop the snacks making entirely" I said to mum who was sitting on the mattress manually mixing a large quantity of flour in a large blue bowl. She only glanced up at me and without words continued with what she was doing.

"Or at least you can share it into two so I can knead with you" I said still waiting for a response. She didn't make a sound as she continued with her work.

"Mum, you're stressed already. Your condition isn't great for all these! I know you're trying to provide for us but if you continue like this, you might break down and then won't be there for us" I said lowering myself beside her.