Life as I know it

The feels

Jake was the best boyfriend I had ever had. All the others were dicks and didn't even try.

Bridston stopped talking to me after a month, Landon never talked to me at all and Isaac, well Isaac was clingy and always said he loved me so I was creeped out so that didn't end well.

Jake actually tried, he held my hand, he hugged me, he made me feel special. I honestly don't think I'll ever have such a healthy and strong relationship with anyone as I did with him.

My friends say its stupid. And that I should just get over him. Its hard to wait for something that might not happen, but its even harder to give up when you know its everything you want. And he's everything I want.

I know that really I'm just a stupid kid. A stupid 13 year old girl and he's just a 14 year old guy but I like him a lot and I can't let him go knowing that it IS possible one day we could get back together.

I just get this feeling around him. Its like the feelings they describe in all the books. Getting butterflies when he looks at you. Wanting to faint after seeing his smile. Being happy when he just says your name.

Its the best feeling ever. And I don't think I want it to go away.

Yes with the happiness of seeing him  also comes to me the pain that he isn't mine anymore.

Waking up and not being able to call him mine, goong to sleep with memories of the sweet conversations, dreaming of him coming saying he can't live without you like you can't without him. And then waking up to a text talking about how you're a good friend.

After everything I've gone through, I've come to the conclusion that love sucks. But its worth fighting for.

Love comes to those who still hope after disappointment, who still believe after betrayal, and who still love after they've been hurt.

I see him all happy while I'm just here. Fighting back tears, telling myself not to cry and that I can make it one more day.