Almost Is Never Enough // Beddy Spin-Off

27

I'm so stupid for listening to 30 Lives while typing this up. It's up on the side, please listen to it while you're reading the beginning half of this chapter. It's very important to this chapter and you'll see why.

xBreHoran

____________________________________________

/27/ 

I watched silently as they covered Joey's casket with pounds of dirt. The whole funeral I didn't shed a tear. I just couldn't bring myself to cry. I felt..broken, hurt, stupid. God Joey, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 

When she was covered and the stone was wedged in place, everyone left, or at least they started to leave. I sat down under the tarp where Joey was buried and store at her gravestone. 

Joey Fern Styles

I stopped reading. That was all I think I could handle right now. I started to fiddle with my fingers as I thought about all the times we had. When we first met at school. When we went to that party. When she got pregnant and her parents kicked her out. When my parents adopted her. When I delivered Jr in the backseat of my car. Helping her with her first song. When she helped me grow some balls to ask Blair out. 

All of it, everything, every memory felt like yesterday. God Joey, I'm so sorry.

I got up after realizing that it was about to rain (ironically) and made my way towards the car where Blair, Al, and Harmony sat quietly. No one mutter or made a sound. The only noise you could hear was the sound of heat pushing widely out of the vents of the car. When we got to my parents house the yard was full, but there was a spot reserved for family parking. 

When we walked into the house I immediately felt enclosed. People were everywhere, patting me on the shoulder all saying the same thing; "sorry for your loss." 

I was just nod, refusing to show emotion because if I did they'd see how weak and hollow I was right now. I don't want them to see that. Most everyone had stopped crying, just walking around with puffy eyes and sorrowful, pitying hearts. Thank got they were all gone by seven, after dinner was served. 

I went upstairs to Joeys old bed room. The first thing I saw was the picture wall. Joey was one of those teenage girls who liked to tack up pictures of her life on the walls in chronological order. "It helps me when I feel like I'm about to lose myself," she'd say. The last picture was of her and myself at The Lawn Bistro, her favourite French restaurant, for her eighteenth birthday. The same day she moved out, hence that was the last picture. God, I remember it like it was yesterday. We were so happy. God Joey, I'm so sorry. 

A knock on the door pulled me out of my trans and I wasn't too surprised when I saw my mother standing there. She walked in and placed a hand on my shoulder. 

"She isn't hurting anymore, Edward." 

I wanted to respond, I wanted to tell her I know that, but right now I feel like I have to right to be selfish and want her to comeback. She's my little sister for Pete's sake. She was my best friend before anything. 

Instead, I nodded. She tugged me from the bed and led me down stairs. It was cold. Everything was cold and bland, and I don't think I've felt this type of grief in a while. I sat on the couch beside Blair and she placed her hand on top of mine, leaning her head on my shoulder. Blair knows how much I hate pity so she didn't even look up at me. I know her eyes are filled with it. 

Beau looked so hopeless. Dark rings around his red eyes, rubbing his hands over his slacks every two minutes, glancing at the empty seat next to him. Jr sat with his head in his hands, his girlfriend rubbing his back in soothing circles while he was (most likely) crying. Mum and dad both had neutral faces and I couldn't exactly tell how they felt. Aliby didn't exactly understand what was happening, she knew it was bad and she knew Joey was gone, but she thought Joey would come back. I think that's what hurt the most. 

Then I thought about that song. That song Joey and I wrote when we were sixteen. It seemed perfect for the moment. 

"There's a song," I started, breaking the silence and staring down at my shoes, "Jo and I wrote a while ago. No one's ever heard it but us two. I think," I took another deep breath, "I think she'd want you lot to hear it." 

I stood up, Blair rising with me. Everyone followed as we slowly made out way upstairs to the recording room I had built years ago. Once everyone had taken a seat in silence, I started to push through old rough drafts of songs and CDs with sample music on it. When I got to the bottom of the papers and cases there was a case labeled 30 Lives by Joey and Edward Styles, July 26th 2030, 16 years old, written 3.27 am, unpublished.

I hooked up the AV cords to the telly that hung on the wall to the laptop. Once I opened the file I grabbed the remote and pressed play. There was Joey and I smiling at the screen, my arm draped over her shoulder. 

"Take four, 30 Lives by Joey and Edward," said Joey, "Late July, four am."

"Have you gotten the sheet?" I asked. 

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's start." 

We both walked into the booth and I pressed the key on the laptop in front of us to start the instrumental for the song. I was starting it off. 

Good morning, my love. It's been a while since we have talked, and you have grown. Your eyes are older than the tallest tree you see. 'Cause thirty lives can be extraordinarily long. Lay me down; lay me down. Again, my friend, I know it's been a while since I could look you in the eyes. 'Cause I am foolish, and I'm sorry, but sorry never made it feel alright, alright.

I felt tears start to well up in my eyes so I rested my head on Blair's shoulder and bit my cheeks. I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I promised Joey I wouldn't cry. But I couldn't help the tears as Joey started to sing. 

Good morning myself. It's been a while since we have talked and you have changed, for better or worse is yet to determine. But I am sure that you'll keep living and breathing until this world turns over. But lay me down; lay me down. Again, my friend, I know it's been a while since I could look you in the eyes. 'Cause I am foolish, and I'm sorry, but sorry never made it feel alright, alright. Again, my friend, I know it's been a while since I could look you in the eyes. 'Cause I am foolish, and I'm sorry, but sorry never made it feel alright, alright.

Blair held onto me as I sobbed relentlessly on her shoulder. It felt like everything that was bottled up inside me finally came out all at once. Like a wave of pain just shoved me in the chest. 

God Joey, I'm so sorry. 

______________________________________

Please leave your opinion. Okay? Thank you. 

Song(s) : 

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons

xBreHoran