better now > sequel to neighbours. [HS]

twenty two

Safe to say I was a mess right now. Emotionally and physically.

It was Christmas Day but I was sitting in bed at a hotel watching movies while Ana played with toys beside me. I had the most unmerciful flu and had to cancel our trip home to my family- and to Harry's family with Harry and Noah.

Emotionally, I was a mess because I was pretty sure ever since I heard Harry say he loved me I realized I never escaped the feelings I had for him. He told me it was an act for aria but the words still rung in my ear.

The thoughts of having feelings for Harry and even thinking of going through all of that again was terrifying. I was so happy just being friends- knowing he couldn't hurt me again like before but with feelings, it was going to turn messy.

I should be sitting with my family right now, eating Christmas dinner and then telling Harry about Annabel but no, I was sitting in a bed of snotty tissues and sad Christmas movies.

"Mum, if Santa is real, how come he came here without a fire place?" Ana quizzed me. She's been trying to catch me out with Santa all day. She thinks she's slick.

"He's magic." I retorted, blowing my nose and grimacing. She climbed from the floor and into the bed with me with a loud sigh. "I miss Noah."

I smiled and ran my fingers through her hair. "I know, sweetheart. I miss him too." I told her. Noah, over the two years, has become like a son for me. Whenever Harry had custody of him they were spending it with us. We were like a big family.

I missed Harry too, but I wouldn't admit that.

"Can you tell me another story about my dad?" She asked me with wide eyes. She loved hearing about him but I couldn't help but notice the pain in her eyes when I spoke about him. And I felt guiltier and guiltier as the days passed.

I hugged her tight and nodded. "Sure, baby. What you wanna hear?"

She pulled the duvet over us and snuggled in closer. I brushed over her dead straight hair that she insisted on having and she sighed, thinking.

"Well I already know what he looks like, I know he was funny and caring - but why isn't he here? Why did dad leave?" She asked.

I bit my lip and cursed myself. What the hell was I supposed to say to that.

"Well, it's a sad story. Maybe you wanna hear about something else." I laughed nervously. She may be only six but she was so clever for her age. I didn't want to tell her Harry left me because when I did tell her who her dad was, I didn't want her to be angry with him.

"Okay, when did you and daddy meet?" She asked, her big eyes staring expectantly at me. This one I could tell, and I smiled before clearing my throat.

"It was my seventeenth birthday. I saw your dad but we didn't talk for awhile until Aunty El and Beth tricked me into talking to him. I climbed onto his roof-"

She gasped and giggled. I couldn't help but laugh too at the memory. I was such an idiot when I was younger, I still can't believe I fell for that.

"He saw me and looked a little creeped out by me but I fell in love straight away, Ana. Your dad was a charmer. He had a beautiful smile- like you. Big curly hair- like you and-"

"Green eyes like me." She finished.

I nodded. "Mhm. You're beautiful, just like him."

"Mama you're beautiful too..and I bet daddy thinks so too. " she told me.

I wanted to cry at this. How could anyone not love their child? They're so pure and loving and deserved the world. It wasn't her words that made me get emotional, it was how caring she was in that moment.

Harry could break my heart a million times over and over but nothing could break the bond I have with our daughter, nothing.