better now > sequel to neighbours. [HS]

Fifty Six

       You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
     You make me happy, when skies are grey
                  You'll never know dear,
                   How much I love you.
     So please don't take my sunshine away.

I listened numbly as the crowd around us quietly sang along to the tune while Noah's four foot coffin was carried out of the church. The atmosphere was so thick and full of sorrow that although there were efforts made to create a celebration of Noah's short life, there was no element of celebration here.

Harry stood weakly at the foot of his coffin as endless tears streamed down his face and his knuckles were white from clutching onto the wooden box so eagerly. Annabel hides behind my dress as she quietly watches the scenes in front of her. Still too young to fully comprehend what has happened, she handles it well and I'm so proud of her.

I observe Harry for a minute, his skin no longer glowing and his smile completely faded. His stubble has grown over his jaw and left a pattern of grief and remorse all over his face and it shows. His eyes are dark and lifeless and so is he, his posture flops and his legs only seem to be carrying him when they need to.

My heart was completely broken, everyone's was. I had strangely found a friend in Aria during this difficult week and it comforted us both to share memories of Noah together and show each other forgiveness from over the past years.

My hand held hers and I quickly took Ana's as my aisle began to fold out and follow the coffin outside. My eyes trailed the many feet that littered the carpeted floor of the church as we walked out and when I looked up, everyone offered sympathetic looks and family before me stood with their heads hung low.

I never in a million years thought I would be burying a child. Not my own, not another's. Never. And to be burying someone that felt like my own child, a chunk of me felt missing and I knew I would never be complete again. None of us would.

The journey from the church to his burial site was wishy washy and all I seemed to remember from the rest of the day was watching the last of him being lowered into the ground. I couldn't help but think about how he was so alone down there. His body lay to rest in a dark, wet hole by himself when he should be up here playing in the trees with his sister like he was doing only last week.

Even after the service ended and it was just Harry and myself left standing by his grave come nightfall, none of us managed to string a sentence together for one another. The last time I heard Harry speak was at the mass, when he delivered a heart breaking speech for his best friend.

And the worst of it all, none of this has even began to hit us yet. And I feared for us all as I knew the worst was yet to come.