The Reign Of Vause

The pork chop story

(Alex's POV)

Larry and Vanessa being here definitely made this a lot worse for me and for Piper. I had been dreading this for a while now. I was excited, but dreading it. There was a time where I was the evil temptress who Piper's parents hated and I was the one who had been the cause of their daughter going to prison and getting shot. I didn't think I'd be their favourite person but they were lovely to me.
As I was finishing dinner with Piper's family, my mind was thinking back to the dinner I'd taken Piper to just before I went to Vegas.
I had taken Piper to Gramercy Tavern, an expensive fine dining restaurant in Manhattan. Piper had ordered pasta and I saw pork on the menu and just had to order it but not before I made a loving joke at her,
"Hmm, should I get the pork or the lobster?" I smirked.
When Piper first got to prison, I'd told Nicky our pork chop story since she herself had one but I swore her to secrecy since it embarrassed Piper.

Flashback

Piper and I were in Cambodia with the cartel on one of my business trips. We had our own little private hut and had sex on our private strip of beach in the morning before I got called away on business. I had assumed Piper had been wearing her tanning lotion and/or sunscreen like I was, but apparently not. She'd forgotten to.
I came back after a day's work bearing two pork chops for myself and Piper for our dinner. Piper was lying on our bed, face down and the colour of a tomato. She was badly burned and it was safe to say she was burned to a crisp. She was still wearing her bikini that she'd changed into when I'd left and looked like she was in agony. I saw the multiple lotions on her nightstand, even a bottle of tequila, obviously nothing was working for her. I hated seeing her like this so tried to cheer her up.
I put the cold, raw chops on her back and giggled,
"Hmm, you look like burnt toast. Maybe you'll cook them faster."
Piper hissed in pain but her face contorted into some form of relief at the cold meat being put on her back. It made me glad I could help her in some way, even if it was a loving joke.
"Alex for God's sake!" She hissed.
"Sorry babe." I smirked and went to the kitchen to cook them, taking them off her back. Our hut had an open plan living area, bedroom and makeshift kitchen in one, so Piper could see what I was doing.
"Really Al?! You're going to cook them now?!" Piper asked me in surprise, barely moving on the bed.
I chuckled,
"What? It's only you. I've had my mouth on places that wasn't your back before Pipes."
"Fair." She concedes and rolled her head back to faceplant her pillow.
Piper slowly and painfully moved from the bed, her walk a stiff slow motion.
By this point, I had cooked dinner and brought it to the table which was the reason Piper moved.
As Piper walked to our table for two, she remarked to my great amusement,
"This frigging burn is so bad I even tried rubbing tequila into it simply because it's stored in a cool place, I thought it would give me some relief. I ended up just downing most of it to numb the pain."
I couldn't hold back my snigger.
"Only you would try tequila on a sunburn babe!" I laughed and continued,
"Here, dinner's on me."
We sat down together and Piper cut herself a piece and put it in her mouth. As if she wasn't burned enough,
"Fuck this is hotter than my burn! Fuck fuck fuck!" She pants at the hot food in her mouth, waving her hand at her mouth in a futile way to stop the burning.
I couldn't help it, I was in a fit of laughter.
In her desperation to get rid of the burning, she swallows and chokes on it.
Fahri then chose this exact moment to come into our hut to witness me in a fit of laughter and my burned girlfriend choking and being the cause of my laughter.
"Fuck man what have I missed?" He laughs.
I looked up at him through my laughter, tears in my eyes since I was laughing so hard.
"Fahri! You should've seen it! My tomato of a girlfriend was faceplanting the mattress of our bed when I came back with these, I put them on her back as a joke to see if she could cook them faster than the oven, cooked them and now she's choking on a piece in her mouth that burnt her even more! Oh and get this, she even tried using fucking tequila as sunscreen!" I filled him in, wiping the laughter tears away from my eyes.
Piper had finally managed to dislodge the pork from her throat with water and was now even redder with embarrassment.
"Well, thank you for your concern Al." She whines at me in annoyed embarrassment.
I laughed at her again,
"Oh not a problem baby."
"Hey Alex, have you ever watched that show FRIENDS?" Fahri asked me, also in a fit of laughter.
"Yeah Fahri I have, why?" I ask him, still giggling.
"She's your lobster!" He blurted out in a laugh.

When I had ordered the pork in the restaurant I'd taken Piper to before Vegas, I remembered quipping to Piper,
"Remember our pork chop story my little lobster?" Knowing that she definitely did. Fahri had made sure the whole cartel knew about it. I remembered yelling at him about it when Piper was there, for her sake, but when she wasn't, I secretly laughed with him about it.
Piper had become known as 'lobster' in the cartel for around 2 months.
"Ooh I remember it very well, it became the hot topic of the cartel for months, how can I forget babe?" She said with raised eyebrows and a jokingly unamused tone.
I laughed and cut a piece of my pork, offering it to Piper,
"Want some? I blew on it for you so it's cooled down a bit. Or would you prefer it with a side of tequila?"
Piper had smirked,
"I hope you choke."
I laughed and put it in my mouth.

Now in the Chapmans' dining room, Piper was living up to her old nickname, she'd gone bright pink.
"Aw look my little lobster is back." I chuckled, pinching her cheeks and kissing her.
She was slowly sinking in her chair and looking so adorably embarrassed.