Red Dead Damnation (Van der Linde gang x Male Reader)

Part. 27

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I fell in love with Miss Gaskill. Shit. The one thing I said I would never do, I did. I thought my mother killed my ability to love another person. Arthur and Dutch don't count, I admire them they're great role models, but I don't love them like that. I can't act on it. But I don't know what else I can do, she keeps trying to convince me to be with her. That woman is persistent, I'll give her that. I can't ignore her, she keeps finding reasons to come by my tent and talk to me, I keep seeing her looking at me from a distance and smiling at me. I can't push her away or tell her I don't love her she'll see right through it. I truly am at a loss for ideas.

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(F/N) was drinking with Lenny and Sean, he was slightly out of it, he had a lot to deal with. Sean had to repeat his name three times before he responded, finally (F/N) looked at the two, "Yeah?"

Lenny leaned forward, "I ain't seen you this out of it since we had that 'quiet night' and you haven't drank that much."

(F/N) shrugged, as he thought about it, "I've been trying to forget that night...but I guess I just have a lot going on. The world just seems full of problems."

The smartest of the three nodded, "Tell me about it, I was thinking about that actually."

(F/N) looked at Lenny, eager to stop moping in his own self-pity, "How so?"

Lenny licked his lips and looked at the two, "I figure since we're the future, we got to deal with new problems that the last world didn't have to."

Sean scoffed, not believing Lenny at all, "And what are those problems, exactly?"

Lenny shrugged, confidently, he replied, "It's real simple....if there are no kings to hate...and no Lords to hate...who're we gonna hate to pass the time?"

Sean nodded slowly, "I see what you mean there."

(F/N) looked at Lenny, "That's true, hate is more powerful than anything out there."

Lenny nodded, "It's kind of a paradox for colored folk. On one hand, my momma was a slave. On the other, I was born free. But my momma was safe, whereas I walk into half these towns where they want to lynch me just for the fun of it. It's hard to say which I should hate, the slave owners, or the ones who set us free."

(F/N) nodded, for him the answer was simple, "I would hate them all."

Lenny frowned, "That's not a good way to live, being angry at everyone."

(F/N) licked his lips, and looked at Lenny, "I was for a time. I still remember how angry at the world I used to get. It would start in my gut...and then grow. I would clench my teeth until it felt like they would shatter."

Sean leaned forward, genuinely interested, "You never struck me as an angry man."

(F/N) clicked his tongue and looked beyond Sean, Micah was leaning on a tree, whittling something, "I'm not...I was an angry kid. That kid felt like the world shoved him down and spit on him and left him alone to suffer."

(F/N) slowly got up, he weakly smiled and drained the rest of his beer, "But...that kid eventually realized he wasn't alone, and his anger faded. You two have a nice day."

(F/N) winked at the two and walked off, leaving the beer on the table, he took a deep breath, he was determined to make the most out of this day, he needed something to distract him. (F/N) coughed a couple of times as he walked through camp, his throat felt raw, he had been coughing a lot recently. He may be coming down with something, hopefully, it wasn't the flu.