Don't Let Me Be Gone

Thirty Nine

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING — — WHO'S READY FOR SOME SERIOUS ANGST???!!!!
(self harm, depression, self loathing, anorexia, swearing, alcoholism, lots and lots of sadness)
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Virgil POV ~ one month later ~
I was shaking horrible. I curled in on myself, trying to protect my head as Remus and Ignorance beat the shit out of me.

"C'mon emo!" Yelled Remus in annoyance. "It isn't fun if you don't fight back!"

"Your just to weak." Growled Ignorance. "Crybaby."

I shook my head, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. Please stop. Please. It hurts so much. Let me leave.

Remus kicked me sharply in the shoulder. I cried out as red hot pain shot down my arm. I curled up again, freely sobbing now.

"Crybaby." Taunted Ignorance.

"Crybaby." Echoed Remus.

"The others aren't coming for you." Hissed Ignorance. "If they cared about you, you'd already be home. They would've saved you by now."

They were right. Roman's probably moved on now, dating some princess from one of his quests. Patton has already forgotten about me. He has Logan anyways. It's best if they've just moved on from me.

They're probably glad I'm here. No more anxiety to bring the group down. To cause issues and start arguments.

-•-

Patton POV
Silent tears rolled down my face. I still smiled, despite the pain. Both the physical and mental pain I'm feeling right now.

I stared down at my sliced up wrists. I smiled at the pain. I deserve this. I never noticed how Virgil was feeling. I never noticed how Deceit was feeling. I should've done something to protect Virgil from Corruption. Maybe if I was a better father, Corruption never would have grown strong enough to hurt us.

I furiously slit my wrists, blood dripping down my arm onto the floor. Hatred towards myself filled me. I'm a horrible person. I'm a horrible friend. A horrible boyfriend. With every negative thought, I added another cut.

If I had been a good father, Virgil would still be here. Everyone would be happy again.

I dropped the razor blade, my hands shaking furiously. Why do I keep doing this? I'm so fucking useless. I'm supposed to be Thomas's happy feelings, I'm not allowed to feel like this.

I did bother cleaning or bandaging the cuts. I quickly pulled my cat hoodie back on, trying to distract myself. I never take off my hoodie anymore, even around Logan. I don't even sleep in the same room as Logan now anyways.

I bake all the time to distract myself. But all the food goes uneaten. I don't have the strength to eat the desserts I bake. I'm chubby and fat anyways, not like I need all that extra fat.

I was getting weaker and weaker by the day, but I deserve this. I'm weak and ugly. I need to starve and cut myself. I'm a horrible person.

I try to stay happy for the others. But I can't keep this facade up for much longer. I try to smile around them, to tell them happy things.

But I'm not happy anymore. I couldn't help Virgil. And now I can't help anyone else. I'm useless.

-•-

Logan POV
I stared angrily at the papers and books strewn around me. One of my hands was buried deep in my hair, pulling at it as if that would make me think better. My other hand was clutched tightly around a pencil.