Don't Let Me Be Gone

Eighty Nine

yOu fOoLiSh mOrTaLs, yOu aBsoLutE fOoLs, you dare come into my book, my domain and challenge me like that. How dare you challenge one of the mighty Angst Queens, you know nothing of my powers. I show mercy on you, yet you demand the thing that will destroy you. You readers will rue the day that you challenged me.

Y'all done fucked up

yOu wAnT aNgSt iLL GiVe, oH iLL GiVe yOu aNgSt

NO MORE FLUFF MWA HA HA HA H A

TRIGGER WARNING - aNgSt, suicide, major character death, blood, lots of depression talk

Quinn POV
I stared numbly at the ceiling. Is this what depression feels like?

This numb, empty feeling. Feeling absolutely exhausted but not even having the energy to go to bed. My stomach growled loudly, considering I haven't eaten in almost a day, but I couldn't bring myself to get up and eat.

I feel helpless. Useless. Empty. Numb. Sad. But most of all, lonely.

Dee was gone. He's been gone for almost three weeks now. He doesn't remember me. And now Corruption shattered his memory orb. He'll never remember me again.

Is this how Dee felt when I lost my memories?

At least there was some hope then that I'd get them back. There's no hope in this situation. All those happy memories, gone.

I'll never get to be happy like that again. No one could ever love me. I'm still doubtful to this day that Dee doesn't love me.

I know that's stupid. I've spent three years with him. So much has happened. Falling in love. Our first kiss. Our first official date. Our first argument. Dee was my first time too.

Hell, even all that stuff with Corruption proves Dee loves me. He risked everything so that I wouldn't die. He hurt Virgil, who was like brother to him, for me.

God I miss him. I've been a mess without him. I can't do this without him.

Incredibly slowly, I pushed myself upwards. Now in a sitting position, I looked around the room.

All of me and Dee's stuff made me kinda sentimental. His pillow still next to mine on our bed. Dee's beautiful grand piano. My old guitar. Photos of us together and alone strung across on fairy lights. The letters he sent me when we first started dating and really doubted his love for me.

And of course Dee's two snakes. Noodle, a tiny orange corn snake, and Kaa, a three foot long yellow and black ball python.  They sat calmly in their terrarium. 

I slowly got up and stumbled over to the terrarium.  I felt incredibly lightheaded.  I can't tell if it's from lack of sleep or lack of food.

I lifted the lid and fed them for the last time.  I gently picked Noodle up, who was more of my snake since I named him and he would only actually cuddle with me.  Not that I mind because Kaa tended to be aggressive and would only let Dee pick him up. 

I gently kissed Noodle on the nose and set him back in the terrium.  I booped Kaa on the nose, earning a glare from him.  He seemed to understand what my tear stained face and Dee's absence meant because he didn't try to bite me. 

Even the snakes seemed sad.  I sighed, wiping tears away.  I made my way over to the desk and pulled out a pen and piece of paper. 

Maybe I'm stupid for even thinking about this.  But I can't handle this.  I know Dee will never come back.  And I know it's stupid to kill yourself because of love, but I have nothing else to live for.  I started writing.

Dear everyone,
I can't live without Dee.  I can't do this without him.  It's not worth it anymore.  I miss him so much and I know I'll never get to see the real Dee ever again.  That being said, I'm going to kill myself.  I know it's stupid to resort to suicide over something as trivial as love.  But I have nothing else now.  Maybe you'll find my body, maybe you won't, I don't know and I don't care.  I don't deserve a funeral or you guys trying to stop me.  Don't bother with the new Doubt please, just leave him out of all this shit. 
Goodbye, I'm sorry for this
Love, Quinn

I left the letter there and stood up. I moved over to Dee's knife collection on the dresser. All the knives were custom made and intricately designed. Beautiful to look at but extremely deadly.

I picked up a special knife. The blade was extremely thin and long. It was a special knife, made for a quick painless killing.

All I had to do was stab myself in the heart with it.

Sliding the knife into my pocket, I headed out of the room. The sun was barely starting to rise over the horizon.

I quickly headed out of the house before anyone else could wake up and catch me. I shut the door as quietly behind me as possible.

Then I ran. I ran and ran and ran. I ran until my legs felt like jelly. The morning world whirred past me.

By the time I felt like passing out, I was at the far end of the trait complex. I could see the edge of Thomas's subconscious from this vantage point.

I collapsed onto the ground, laying there with my chest heaving. I felt in my pocket for the knife. Once the knife was removed, I took off my hoodie and laid my head on it.

My entire body was racked in sobs as I really contemplated if I wanted to do this. I do.

I rolled over onto my back. I placed the knife blade between my third and fourth rib, right above my heart.

It would be quick. Relatively painless. An easy way to go. Simple. All I had to do was press the blade down.

Do I really want to do this?

My hand started shaking, causing the knife to go through my shirt and barely pierce my skin. A little beed of blood appeared, staining my grey shirt.

"Quinn?!" I heard someone scream my name, making me jump a bit. "What are you doing?"

I heard footsteps running towards me, in a panic, I shoved the knife down into my heart.

I gasped at the sudden pain. I let go of the knife handle, my entire body slowly going limp.

Blood started bubbling out of the wound. My vision went spinning. Someone crouched down next to me but that's the last thing I remember before dying.