Don't Let Me Be Gone

Ninety Nine

IM SO SORRY I MISSED LAST NIGHTS UPDATE AND THAT TONIGHTS IS REALLY SHITTY

TRIGGER WARNING : talk about suicide & self harm, ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST

Deceit POV
I checked for a pulse, only to find nothing. Instantly, I started panicking.

I was about to start screaming for Logan, but suddenly Quinn's body jerked upwards. 

He let out a loud gasp of breath, his eyes flinging open.  Then his face twisted in pain and he started crying. 

"Quinn...Quinn...honey look at me,"  I said to him, putting my hands on his face. 

He looked at me with a face that could only be described as 'processing'.

"Dee?"  He mumbled. 

"Yeah, it's me,"  I told him.  "I got my memories back and managed to get back home."

"How?" 

"Lay back down,"  I told him, gently judging him back into a laying position. "And it's a long story."

Quinn didn't say anything. He just stared at the ceiling, still crying.

"Want to tell me why you tried to kill yourself?" I asked. He flinched and looked anywhere but me.

I softened my gaze and moved next to him. I leaned up against the headboard and gently ran my fingers through his hair.

"I'm not angry, I'm just worried for you. I want to know why you did that," I tried to soothe him.

"I missed you..." He whispered finally, his entire body shaking from the amount of doubt radiating off him right now.

"Please don't tell me you pulled some Romeo and Juliet shit and tried to kill yourself just because I was gone." I told him. Quinn flinched again.

"I'm sorry...sorry...do you hate me now? Sorry." He mumbled, repeating how much he was sorry.

"I would never hate you Quinn," I told him gently. "Just don't do anything like that again."

"Will you stop cutting yourself then?" Quinn asked. I froze, not expecting the conversation to go this way.

"Quinn..." I mumbled.

"I won't hurt myself if you don't hurt yourself." He told me.

"Okay," I lied.

"Don't lie." Quinn told me. He knew me too well.

"I'll try," I mended.

"Thank you," He mumbled, closing his eyes. He seemed tired and like he was in shock. I looked down at him.

I don't know what I would've done if he had actually died.

"Why'd you do it baby..."  I mumbled, not really thinking before saying it.

"Why'd you shoot yourself when Corruption revealed himself?" He retorted.

"Because I can't die," I said. "I couldn't hurt you. So I hurt myself instead."

"But you still felt that feeling of helplessness. That this is all your fault. That everything you ever loved was gone and never going to come back. That the only person to ever show you any love was gone. That no one could ever love you ever again.  That it was all your fault.  That everything would be better if you just disappeared...or died." Quinn broke down into sobs.

I gently picked him up and held him to my chest. I made sure not to aggravate the wound, but Quinn really needed comfort right now.

"No one deserves to disappear," I told him.

"But..."

"No buts," I argued. "I'm sorry you went though all that, but none of that was your fault or in your control. You can't blame yourself for it."

"But Corruption destroyed all your memories," Quinn said, a suspicious look in his eyes. "I watched him."

"Thar was a fake orb," I told him. "He kept the real one because he wanted me to have my memories so he could make me watch your attempted suicide over and over."

"Oh Dee, oh I'm so sorry," Quinn cried. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," I told him again.

Quinn let out a sigh, obviously not believing me, but thinking against saying what was on his mind. I need to get him thinking about something else.

"I'm going to need you to fill me in on everything that happened when I was gone." I told him. Quinn let out a sigh. "A lot happened."

"Well, after Corruption took you..."

~•~

Evan POV
I mindlessly played out a cord on the grand piano in my room. Corruption had one put in here because he wanted to listen to me play.

It was a very beautiful piano. It was white wood with little pink and blue roses and various other flowers carved into it. It was perfectly in tune too.

I really miss Remus.

Corruption treats me like an object. Like I'm nothing more than a pretty play thing for him.  Showing me off to his "friends", they didn't even look human. Making me bathe twice a day. Making me wear this stupid, but absolutely beautiful, dress.

I'm just here for him to use. He tries to assault me, but usually I seize before anything can happen.

This has to be the only time I've been thankful that I can seize so badly.

However, that made me his punching bag. He wouldn't hit my face, saying he didn't want to damage the beauty. He'd just hit me over and over, making sure to leave bruises.

I hate this place. Mindlessly, I started playing the intro to one of my favorite songs. You Will Be Found from Dear Evan Hansen.

I just really liked the song a lot. I could relate to it.

Being outcasted by the other traits. Being a forgotten trait because I barely effect Thomas nowadays.

Evan and the tree and me and my first seizure. Lying there in the ally. Hoping that someone, anyone, would come save me. But of course, no one did.

"Have you ever felt like nobody was there?" I stared singing. "Have you ever felt, forgotten in the middle of nowhere?"

"Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and nobody would here?

"Well, let that lonely feeling wash away
Maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay
'Cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand
You can reach out, reach out your hand,

"And oh, someone will come running
And I know, they'll take you home,

"Even when the fake comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
And when you're broken on the ground
You will be found,

"So let the sun come steaming in
'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again
Lift your head and look around,

"You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found..."

I finished off the song there, not able to go farther on because of all the different vocals.

Suddenly, making me jump, clapping filled the room.